Tools...

I was sitting in the gym while Richie and Dustin were working out. I am never motivated in an empty gym with tons of equipment and a treadmill with an empty slate as a calorie counter that moves slower than the second hand on a clock.  Anyways,  I was sitting there wondering why my promised land seems to be filled with challenges already.  I heard the Holy Spirit within me say, "Anything will seem to be a challenge when you are doing it in YOUR own strength."  I really hope that you will be able to grasp the reality of this even if you have not experienced it yourself.

When I went on my interview at Central Elementary, where I now teach, I was walking away with a strong urge to go back and show my face one last time to the teachers that I had observed and who had interviewed me in addition to the principal.  Every ounce of my wanted to turn back and do what I think was best.  I heard the Holy Spirit say, "NO, I'll take care of it!."  I literally stopped as my legs began to feel like they were 1000 pounds.  I continued on to my vehicle and with my half heart smurk of a voice said, "Okay God, You have it!"  I knew that the peace I had experienced before that moment was the beginning of the will that God had in mind for me.  I had sooo much peace about the interview, that I showed up to the interview without even my resume!  God made sure that I knew from start to finish that this was HIS effort and none of mine.   I realize now this was me successfully being his tool, just SHOWING UP.  Just showing up when he draws me to prayer, evangelism, Teen Challenge stuff, and my job is all that I've had to do in the greatest missions God has appointed me to.

So when I was sitting on a contraption to work my back muscles, I realized that I had took the reigns away from God and in my actions and heart had said, "God, I have it from here."  For some reason, I felt that His job was done and that it was my responsibility and burden from here on out.  I felt like my father had been pushing me and holding on to my bike and then let go for me to take the controls all by myself.  Thankfully, God has a two seater bike in mind for us.  So today, I stopped the bike and got off the front seat.  I let Him have it and I tell ya it's already a way more comfortable ride.

In this season of my life, I want to show up and be the tool that God wants.  I will lie here in complete availability to my God.  What good am I if I constantly try to manipulate and work myself to death on a smaller job that was not even meant for me.  God knows exactly what tool to use at what time.   I don't want to be a wrench that constantly is begging and trying to manipulate myself into a hammer.  Pardon the medaphor.  I want to be the best wrench around! haha 

Webster's definition of a tool is a handheld device that aides in accomplishing a task.  I love that I am handheld!  Every tool is useful, too.  Isn't that amazing.

I have a dear friend somewhere that has been muted by the enemy.  I declare for you friend, if you read this, that you are a mouthpiece of God.  When your words have been silent, I declare this next season in your life will be a time where you words will become a two edged sword to divide truth and lies.  I declare that your words will edify, prophesy, and solidify the will of God here on earth in the lives of countless people.  I just looked up the word mouthpiece in Webster's dictionary.  Mouthpiece - one that expresses or interprets another's views.  I love that.

Without a Plan

I have no plan for this blog post.  I decided just to sit down with absolutely nothing in particular burning in my brain.  Currently, my husband is playing Madden on XBOX 360.  My Tara is curled up in a tiny ball on a footrest.  Tucker is in his kennel fast asleep.  Lastly, I am sitting here at the computer with completely randomn thoughts cruzing through my head.

It is snowing outside, so being at home with my little family seems very cozy at the moment.  However, I wish I could say I have gotten more done up to this point.  I have a great deal of work that could be done.  I am in a constant tug-of-war with myself.  On one hand, I think that I need to take advantage of this time off.  On the other, I feel I must take advantage of this time to rest....work will ALWAYS be there.

After we arrived home from Louisiana, we immediately hit the road again to be with our good friend, Erik Hill.  He is one of the people Dustin and I both will take to the grave as a dear friend.  We literally put all of our belongings on the floor and left again after a four hour drive home.  We ate a hole in the wall italian restaurant, then we finsished off the evening at Starbucks.  By the way, their Christmas blend is sooo yummy....so I hear from Dustin and Richie.  Well, Richie hasn't said anything, but he makes it ALL the time. haha  To the top is Erik - to the bottom is Richie.

Today, we all had Chick Fil A for lunch.  Dustin forgot something, so when he went back to get that plus Richie some lunch, we found out it was free because we were the 100th customer.  Yipee.

Lastly,  I am currently learning what evangelism is all about.  You have some people that make it a mission to go out and make it happen.  I have found, FOR ME, that the Holy Spirit is just bringing it to me.  I feel that when the Holy Spirit sences that you will be a vessel without hesitation, He will send the opportunities left and right...Perhaps, my eyes have just been opened to the opportunities that have already existed.  As Brandon Heath expresses, "Give me Your eyes for just one second, Give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me Your love for humanity."

Christmas ....

So much has gone on in my life and head this Christmas.  On Christmas, I kept thinking about the brokeness that so many people are facing this holiday.  I couldn't fathom how much pain was being masked behind smiles and fellowship.  I think about my pastor, Steve Hill, and his family.  He is battling with treatments for cancer.  I saw a post that his wife, Jeri, made.  She mentioned that something to the effect that she was trying to embrace the joy and not to let heaviness come in.  I thought about all of the people that they have blessed and the difference they have made in countless lives.  My heart refused to be completely joyous and oblivious to pain being felt by my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I also thought about Chris Rogers, a young man battling cancer that had no insurance.  His meds are most than what most people could manage in a month, not to mention the cost of medical treatment and hospitialization.  I look at the picture of him and his wife, and I realize that Dustin and I aren't much different than they are. My heart breaks.  Click here to donate to Chris.  I also thought of Autumn Wyatt, a school teacher in the Dodson area that I have grown to love over the years.  She always has a bright smile and a positive attitude.  I ran into her mom at TJ Max, and I couldn't help but feel the remnants of worry. 

Because of all this plus the fact that my mind kept reverting to my poverty stricken kids from school, I just couldn't pretend like all was well with the world.  On the way to Rayville, Dustin and I prayed for the heaviness felt by our brothers and sisters.  I realized that this is what Christmas was all about.  Jesus came into the world to carry our burden.   I am so thankful that I am in maybe some small part allowed to help carry the burden for those less fortunate in this season.  I couldn't help but think that so much victory is going to come from all this pain, yet another reason Jesus came to us in the manger.  Only with Jesus, does such pain and heartbreak turn to unspeakable joy and unprecedented strength.

Today, we are heading home to Texas.  I need the time to get ready for teaching when school starts back.  I did have a great Christmas.  I am so thankful when God changes my plans.  There is no acceptance like knowing God wants to share something with you. What a beautiful Maker.

John 16:33
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

Friend vs Foe

Well, here I am again with another philosphical debate bouncing around in my head.......What is a friend?

I recently had a textersation (conversation though text) with a friend of mine that made me think.  I have a particular situation going on that is forcing me to once again be a true friend......a friend that is your friend when there is absolutely nothing to gain.  Please, no one read this and think it is you...because you may think it is, but you have no idea. ha

I tried to lie down and nap after this textersation, but I kept going over and over again in my head....Am I a true friend?....How come I have always known in my heart what that means, yet it is sooo hard to put into words when explaining it to someone else.  I immediately reverted back to my best friend, Dustin.  I asked myself how am I a friend to him, because I know my love for him is unselfish and unconditional.  It will never end.  I know that I love him to the point that I recognize when it is a good time to step up and address something and when it is a good time to just stand in support of his persuit and pray for God's light to bring a particular issue forward.  I'm his friend because I share everything with him.  I'm his friend because I'm always in persuit of what is in his best interest.....most of the time.  I feel that I'm his friend more so than I am his wife, because being my husband's friend is so much more time consuming and invovled than being his wife.  When I'm his friend, I then become his wife in the fewer times needed.  He needs me much less often to be his wife than to be his friend.  Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of the responsibilities of being a wife.  My being his wife is first priority, yet I find myself succeeding in wifelyhood when I become the role of his best friend.  I hope this comes across the way I see it.

Anyways,  I ask myself again and again, am I doing with this particular person what a friend should be doing?  My heart says, "YES."

Webster says a friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem or a favored companion.  Therefore, I find myself in assurance that I am doing the right thing.  I favor this person in sparing their own agenda towards me in order for God's voice to be heard in his/her life.  If I were to just come out and be completely honest, I believe this situation would take a turn for the worst in more ways than one.  I truely know in my heart this is best for all.  I favor this person more than to let pettiness steal, kill, and destroy.  My love has never changed nor has my heart for good to envelope this individual.  I feel being a friend is so much more than surface...it's just plain spiritual.  

The bible says we don't wrestle again flesh and blood anways; therefore, I know that doing what I have to do to ward harm away is best.

Thanks friend for the textersation that led me to deep thought.  I know I have established what is right for me.

My pups sure know what friendship is about! ha

We Really Don't Know Extreme.....

First of all, the job is going great.  I LOVE my students....they have no idea how much.  It blesses me beyond belief. 

About what's going on with my title.....

Lately, I've been thinking about how people always think mine and Dustin's views are so extreme.  I began to think about the other extreme people I know. I then began to think about when is it right or best, and when or if is it ever wrong..  I have come to the conclusion that the world only sees extreme christianity as an offense.  I think of people that think....."oh, there they go with that extreme religion again."  However, I never hear anyone say, "Oh, there they go with the extreme liberalism." Why is it that extreme christianity gets the bad rap?  The world is very extreme in pushing self-seeking lust into our face. 

I've come into HUGE combats with people over the secular music thing.  They act like I go around preaching that people are going to hell if they listen to it.  It's like people get offended when they find out that's what you view.  Since when is it a crime or since when has it become an offense for me to have personal boundaries that I live by?  Pastor Jacob said it best when he explained scripture on judgement.  He explained that you are able to inspect others to the same degree you have drawn the same boundaries in your own life.  It's called living in the LIGHT.  When you are living in the light, when someone points light (judgement) at you, it doesn't blind you and take you back.. When you live in darkness, one ounce of light is blinding.  We should all strive to continually get better.  I mean this sounds like practical biblical application to me. (By the way, I'm not saying I think it's okay for everyone to act like jerks.)

Anyways, I was thinking about when is it pleasing to be extreme and is there a time to have an off button?  Well, as most of you know, I'm a huge Teen Challenge advocate.  I know it's a part of who I am; therefore, extremism is the ticket for individuals coming from extreme departure from God. 

I do feel that my "extreme" boundaries have played a huge role in keeping me pure and saved throughout my life since childhood.  So people may try and point the finger at my life, but I know those values were put there by God and I contribute my childhood salvation and endurance of it to boundaries that are set in persuit of holiness.   I still don't understand why people view such little boundaries as extremism.

So, call me extreme.....call me critical......call me judgemental.  My Jesus paid an extreme price for an extreme cause.  All of us have yet to imagine how extreme it actually was at that time.  I'd rather be "extreme" here than be considered "mediocre" in heaven. 

I'm not sorry for anything that I do in the name of my Savior.

LOVE ??......

Lately, I have been thinking a great deal about love.  I think to myself, "How could God love me the way he does.....How can I love the way he does?.....How do I open myself up to receive the depth of His love, and how can I inspire others to do the same?"  Unfortunately, I have found that in today's world people can't recognize and accept this kind of love. It often is perceived as fake or sometimes even offensive. 

I've found that in many cases, people are offended by love because they are just sooo darn scared of it.  So many people have so many covered wounds that when they begin to sense love, they turn away in the name of another issue that they then can use as an excuse to get away from you.  So many people have become okay with just covering up wounds instead of surrendering to the process that will actually heal them.  Many times, healing of those wounds comes from fellowship with other believers and through confession and a realization of our own part in the creation of the wound.  Now that we live in such a "please me" world, it's become okay even in the church to avoid any such submission; therefore, we all have forsaken the love that was made available through the cross.

I've asked God many times in the past week, "God, how do I love someone when I don't see things the way they do or when I know they know they are in complete wrongness?  Where do I draw the line between love and mercy and standing up for righteousness."  I then led myself to evaluate what God has done for me as I know there have been many times when I have disappointed Him.  All I can say, is that I at all times know where He stands.  I'm the one that chooses to step forwards or backwards.  So, my conclusion is that with all the people in my life, no matter how deep of wounds I may have towards them and no matter how disappointed I sometimes am, I will strive to show love by standing firm where I am.  I will strive to be as God - always there and a fountain of endless love that is never lessened or even increased....just always the same.  I hope to be as consistant in other's lives as God has been in my own.  No matter what choices are made by the people around me, I will stand where I have always stood.  I won't walk away anymore.....I won't shake my head in disapproval....I won't stand be there pointing the finger saying, "what goes around comes around."

God, I pray your wisdom would envelope me into a similance of what You have done for me.  I also pray that you would make us all volnerable again so that we could step out of whatever we have built around our hearts as protection, and again become recipients of You (LOVE).

Inner Thoughts

I have been thinking a great deal lately!... I am always a deep thinker, but I have been especially deep lately.  I've been blessed with the job of my dreams.  During my struggle of finding a teaching job, I always thought in the back of my head, "God could just wave His hand in my direction and have the perfect job for me, so why isn't He?."  Well, He has but in His own timing. I am so thankful to Him. As I began recounting the mountainous steps of faith that led me to this job, I began pondering the things for which I am most gateful.

Of course, I am thankful for the normal things......my husband, health, family etc. However, I am so gateful beyond just what my immediate response seems to be to that topic.  I am grateful that I have endured the journey to this moment. I wouldn't trade the hardship for anything.  I know I have helped others through what I have experienced.  I have a new friend that is going through a hardship in finding the job right for him, and I could immediately see him in the beginning stages of the mistakes I made in doubting my right standing with God.  At the beginning of my job hunt, I just knew I was being punished or that I had somehow failed a test.  I praise God that I was at least able to tell this person that he is not alone and that it was just an opportunity to grow closer to God.

I am so exceedingly blessed to look back on the past year and to not see illness and tragic heartache.  I am so blessed to still have parents alive and madly in love with each other.  I am so blessed to have a support system from family to Teen Challenge to friends to my church. 

I am thankful for everything that has made up this one moment.  I am so grateful to know that I have been God's arms at least a few times to some people that desperately needed the love of God manifested through another believer.  I am so blessed to have been launched into evangelism at such a young age.  I am blessed to have shoes on my feet and hot water.  I am blessed to have known the comfort of God in a new way.

I have realized lately that an individual knows God and His "realness" only to the extent to which he has experienced it.  I can talk all day long about the depth of God, but unless you have had a deep experience, then we are not connecting.  I hate that there are so few ways to usher people in to the real and manifest prescence of God.  It's like when you ask someone what church they are a part of and you know it is spiritually dead or on life support, and they think it is the bomb! It greives my heart that there are not more avenues of true worship to God....true encounters....divine appointments.....

My heart is left empty at the thought of the broken hearted remaining lost, yet extremely overflowing when I can love on just one.

I FOUND the Wild Card!

Well, today is going to be a fantastic day for sure.  I have been dying to post this blog, because I have become addicted to publishing the works of a very real and active God.

A few weeks back, a lady was praying over me.  She informed me that I was a visionary and that I was going to have vision to take things to an additional level.  She also said (through God) that I would begin to have visions and dreams.  Well, since then I have!

I was in the vehicle, and I had a very quick vision of a hand of Phase 10 cards....except the cards were in God's hand and I knew it.  The cards look unfamiliar to me at one point, but then very familiar at another.  I realized that God was in heaven wanting to unleash a work in a very specific way on earth to someone.  He was pondering.....I was thinking 'What's He gonna do?"  A card was then illuminated to me....the WILD card.  When I saw the WILD card become visible, I felt heaven and God rejoicing so that He could do what He wanted in a very small way to someone He loved.  It took a minute for Him to find the WILD card because He was searching out the card that was usuable one at a time. 

It showed me that He is drawing me and His followers to not just focus on becoming great at some things that pertain to our own interests and current abilities.  I must strive to become His WILD card so that His hand will be absolutely free to move as He pleases.

God, make me the WILD card so that I can be the apple of your eye and the one that will make all You did on the cross worth it. I want my life to use all of what you provided for me through the cross.  Lord, give me wisdom to know when I'm the card you want to put out!

SCRIPTURES

1 Chronicles 28:9
“As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever.

Job 13:9

Will it be well when He searches you out?Or can you mock Him as one mocks a man?

1 Corinthians 2:10

But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.

The Warrent Has Been Carried Out!

Well,  God warrented my job to me! Thank you, Jesus!  I am still in a bit of shock, but excitement has overtaken me in waves.  So many people have made this victory even more joyout through their sincere happiness for me.  I am sooo blessed to have established a second church family in such a short amount of time.  I am especially grateful for the wiser women God has already put in my path. Mrs. Jerri and Mrs. Arneta, I love you dearly.  It is not even that I have had the honor of spending very much time with them, but I hang on their every word.  I also want to shout OUT to Lacey and Jasmine.....you have blessed me more than you could possibly know. I LOVE YOU.

I will start my new job as soon as my paperwork clears for Dallas ISD.  That should be mid week, so I am not sure if I will start before or after Thanksgiving.  I am just thankful.

Also, I have experienced another element of victory with a friend.  She has faced a ginormous hurdle, but she is choosing to make some wise choices.  Regardless of the hows and whys, I am proud she is making the right choice today.

Joshua to Jenna

As I am sure you already know, I had an interview at Central Elementary last Friday! I connected with all of the staff and was one of the few called back to observe at the beginning of this week.  It is exactly the position that I have always wanted.  It is the kind of school that teachers want to retire at, but it also has the demographic of students that I prefer.  To top it off, I feel the position was literally created for me.  It is a new position not a replacement; therefore, I know it my heart God opened it FOR me.  There are crazy similarities between this position and different events that have taken place in my journey to be a teacher.

My student teaching was at a school named Central Elementary.  It was fifth grade math and science.  This school is called Central Elementary and the position is for fifth grade math and science!  I have always requested that my field experiences be placed in higher poverty schools, which is exactly what this is.  I also have the harder to get certifcation in Texas which is something they told me made me stand out above the other applicants.  I feel at home at this school for sure.

Needless to say, my mind has become increasingly anxious.  Throughout the interview process, I had sooo much PEACE.  I believe it was for God to allow me to be myself and to gain the position with confidence.  However, now that the interview process is over, I am like it says in Pslams 139 "For their is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether." I'm at a loss for words that can describe my inner thoughts, but God knows it perfectly.  How great it is to have a God that "knows my sitting down and rising up, who understands my thoughts afar off, and who is acquainted with all of my ways."

I've also been in deep thought conerning the voice of God in my life.  It isn't as clear as I would like it to be. I feel there is a new wine available, but I must get rid of my old wineskin in order to move on.  I was led to Joshua in the bible, because he was a great leader that had many promises from God.  It was vital for Him to discern direction for God in order to complete the mission that Moses had begun.  It mentions several times in the book of Joshua that God says to him, "Be strong and of good courage, have I not commanded thee?"  God's instruction to Joshua was to meditate on the law day in and day out and to realize that if God has established something, no one can come against it. 

Joshua was charged to go into the land of Canaan and to cross the Jordon; however, he had no supplies for a bridge or any boats!  He was at the end of himself, and, like so many of us today, was in total need of provision.  I see my current situation in this, because I know the charge God has put on my life to teach! Therefore, I must be as Joshua! I receive God's voice telling me, "Be of good courage....Have I not commanded thee?"

Lastly, the commentary points out that when God has established you to move forward in a land depleated of the resources to do it, you must recognize that God's voice for it to be done is a warrant! "Have I not commanded thee" can now be translated into "I will therefore help thee, succeed thee accept thee, reward thee!"  I realize that I am not subject to man, but that man is subject to the warrents God has spoken over me! No man will ever keep His establishments from coming to pass!

I am believing for favor. I am believing "how precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You."

So....I will rest in the humbleness of what this situation forces me into, but I will NEVER distrust my God.

Security

I was reading my Word, and a portion JUMPED out at me.

"The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men.  From the place of His dwelling He looks on all the inhabitants of the earth;  He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.  NO KING IS SAVED BY THE MULTITUDE OF AN ARMY; A MIGHTY MAN IS NOT DELIVERED BY GREAT STRENGTH.  A HORSE IS A VAIN HOPE FOR SAFETY; NEITHER SHALL IT DELIVER ANY BY ITS GREAT STRENGTH.. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy, to deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine.  Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.  For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because w have trusted in His holy name.  Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon us just as we hope in you." Psalm33:13-22

I am encouraged to know that my security is based on this rather than in the amount of wealth that I have accumulated when/if a depression or famine comes.  I am grateful that it's not who you know in the world but who you know to be your Savior.  It really drives the point home that God really is made powerful when we are standing empty handed. 

Thank you Jesus for being my EVERYTHING.  I am so glad that the kingdom is a relational rather than political!

As I'm sure you are aware, I have a teaching interview tomorrow!  It is a fourty minute drive through Dallas but totally worth it.  I will keep you informed and appreciate your prayers of support.

My Pearl - Ha

This evening as I was taking my dogs out, God embraced me as I stood there outside. It was a familiar embrace that nothing in this world could ever compare with. The best way that I can physically describe it is that it is like coming in from freezing temperatures and stepping into a quaint cabin with a fire lit, then curling up in a warm blanket that is big enough to completely surround you. It is complete bliss to be embraced and loved by the creator of the Universe. My Creator is so powerful, yet so gentle and hospitable to my fragile flesh. Isn't that beautiful?....

I walked back inside to make myself some hot tea, and I felt it again. As I began to surrender to the love that God was wanting to wrap me in, I realized that God's love for me never leaves. I have been under such distress with so many different aspects of my life....I've often thought God was using it to correct me or punish me in areas that I thought I had totally surrendered to Him. I, in a sense, felt entrapped by what I thought had been a pursuit of righteousness.

As I began to sip my tea and focus on what God was trying to show me, I realized that the depth of His love for me overcomes all of my insecurities. He assured me that the trials and distress had been an opportunity to experience intimacy with Him in a way that I never knew was possible. I began to understand that the trials and stresses weren't a sign of my wrong actions, but a sign that God loves me enough to do whatever possible to get closer to me. He knows I run to Him more when the hard time come! I know that He does this from LOVE because God completely knows that He is in control; therefore, these trials that bring me closer are in actuality completely controlled by God. I am certainly not saying that God inflicts pain upon His children for His own sake, but what I am saying is that an enormous rush of peace overwhelms me to know that my future days aren't as unsteady as I originally thought.

Although, I have no complete understanding of what Job went through, I felt so relieved to find his story in the bible. He faced unimaginable trials. However, he had a similar revelation when he said, "For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I will SEE God." God has the last say...PERIOD. The commentary states that moments before this statement, he was under enormous oppression. However, God embraced him and he felt an extraordinary impulse of the blessed Spirit, which raised him above Himself, gave him light, and gave him utterance. This hope quieted his spirit, stilled the storm, and, having here cast anchor within the veil, his mind was kept steady from this time forward.

I have to say that sums up exactly what I felt. As I felt the impulse of the Holy Spirit, I began to decree inside of my soul that God is my Redeemer from all that life can throw at you. I felt raised above myself, quieted by the Spirit, stilled in the storm, and anchored within the veil as to keep my mind steady from that moment forward.

Now, I pray to God that I will learn to lean, rest, and rely on Him just as much in the good times as in the difficult times. Thank you Jesus, for not letting me take shortcuts to becoming who I am going to be. When I go to heaven, I don't want to have not known the victorious power that comes after trials and oppression. I want to be able to rejoice in heaven knowing that all of who God is is what I experienced on earth. I may not have a dazzling testimony filled with deliverance from drugs etc, but when I go to heaven I will know Jesus as not just my lover and friend but also my Redeemer and Strong Tower!

In case you are wondering, I write my experiences in this blog because I have a passion for writing and I hope to articulate what God has done in my life to bring glory to Him. I have been journaling faithfully since I was a freshman in high school. I love writing and expressing my inner thoughts so that maybe just one discouraged soul may be uplifted by a testimony of what the Lord is doing in my life. Just as Job's story better put into words my encounter, so I hope that my story will expand someone else's perspective of a current encounter.

Just an Expression of the Day

Awakening

Nervously hitting the streets
Wondering what God had planned
I could never imagined the fleet
Oh the uncharted territory beneath my feet

I never imagined little girls and boys
I couldn’t have expected their enormous voids
I knew they were searching
Could I show them the One worth finding?

As I waited and prepared myself
I never imagined what my soul would feel
I saw the pain temporarily disguised
Broken children with pain so real

Awaken oh my soul
There are children needing deliverance
Let them see their heart’s hole
I pray Your love they would unmistakably experience

There was an awakening today
Not only for them but for my soul
God, I know to point them Your way
It’s their only chance to be made whole

Let me not forget the eyes filled with confusion
I want to carry it always
Lest I forget I have the solution
Help me Lord to show them the way

The Club Awakening

I couldn't wait to blog for today because of all that has happened. This morning, Dustin and I went with a group of people to a local club that has an all night rave. We passed out free water, juice, and Jesus. At first, I was soooo intimidated, because I was never a part of this lifestyle. I guess that I knew about this type of stuff, but I never realized that these were hearts and faces of people God loves.

I couldn't believe my eyes as the people began to pour out. Oncemore, I had a moment to myself where I looked at all the cars parked down the streets and asked myself...."Where is everyone." Where are the radically saved and delivered?.....They were all at this time getting ready to go to church to gather together. I thought to myself how sick it was that the streets were full of the lost but empty of the found. I understand the importance of going to church, etc. Please don't be offended. I just was thinking about the millions that claim to be christians...why is it that all of the people were so shocked to be greeted by a Christian face? Do we not go to Walmart and pass them right up? I am speaking to myself here, too.

A piece of my heart was left at the outside of that club. I will never be the same. I saw girl with their entire backside exposed...not to mention all of the other parts. I saw girls that looked fifteen that were being exploited by young men. I also saw the pain in the faces. I saw confusion, heartache, and a void. I saw broken-hearted little boys and frightened little girls on the inside of the hard shell of an exterior. I couldn't get over the anger and pain that flooded my heart. I will never forget the feeling that came through their eyes.

I had the privledge to pray for entire car loads of people. I prayed that a woman's money would be return after it was stolen. I prayed for their safety in traveling home. I prayed.....in my heart during each prayer, my heart was pleading for God's saving mercies as the requests came out to God for what they had asked. After each request was lifted to God, I prayed that when their prayer was answered that they would know where the answer came from and that glory would be brought to Jesus. I also asked for special strength and a demonstration of love as they left.

I couldn't even begin to stroke my ego as I felt the kingdom thrusting me towards them. It felt more like a reasonable duty than an outreach. The word outreach doesn't do it for me. I feel that outpouring is more suitable, because my heart and soul was poured out into the struggles I saw them facing.

There was a girl that told me that she had been praying that God would show her another way to live. She will soon be my friend on facebook, and I hope that her and at least two other girls will come to One Voice with me on Saturday nights.

I know in my heart that countless seeds were planted. There was a man that specifically touched me. He was a business man in a suit. He looked life a typical father and husband. His head hung low as would a dog's after being scolded. There was one guy that is about to turn himself in for countless charges including armed robbery. He began to argue philosophy, but then began to see the light. As Dustin was talking with him, you could see the drugs wearing off as reality was hitting him.

I can't begin to express what this did for me today.

I will be posting more on this experience.

Failure vs. Victory

Lately, I have come to realize that success doesn't come with an arrival to a set destination. Most people think of similar things when it comes to success......a nice home, a great deal of money, a fabulous job...etc. However, I've come to grips that as a child of God, He establishes what my failures and victories are. If I have what seems to be an excellent job, it may be my failure. I think about the man Pastor Steve Hill talked about. He gave thousands to the church and was asked why..? The man replied that before he became a wealthy business man, God told him to sell everything and go to the mission field. That man did not obey and established great wealth in business. Most people would have admired his financial status..... Well, it's just not that simple. His millions represented his lack of obedience and what is failure in the eyes of God. That man is now on the mission field- Glory to God.

The other day, I realized that I was in the same exact boat with someone I know that is going through an enormous trial...although I consider it a blessing. I was thinking about what the same situation means to different people in different circumstances. I obtain the same thing that person considers with great difficulty. Therefore, I was reminded of the imp0rtance of not looking at what someone else has compared to what I have. Comparing yourself to that of another is just plain faulty. You have done a great disservice. You then have this idea that happiness lies within what others have..such as money. What I am longing for may be a symbol of someone else's disobedience to God. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

I am encouraged to know that the path God has laid out for me is special and unique. No one's accomplishments, no matter how similar or different they are to mine, will ever compare to the meaning that my accomplishments have to God and myself.

All I am is You

I was sitting at the computer, and before I knew it I was singing "All I am is You." I have never heard that as a song before, and knew the Holy Spirit was coming out of me and declaring righteousness over me. I think this is the beauty of being spirit-filled.....to be meditating on the Lord and then for the Holy Spirit to wipe over you. It gives me supernatural understanding, perspective, and strength. There is nothing better than a refreshing through the Holy Spirit. I know the words of my blog will not do what I felt justice, but I try in hopes of revealing God through a different perspective.

To me, these words meant that all I am is Him, because when I am completely surrendured to Him I am nothing but a part of Him. When all my sin and the uncleanliness of my heart has been washed clean, I am just an extension of God Himself. I am so encouraged to know that I do not just belong to Him....but that I am actually in Him and of Him. I feel such an embrace and a belonging.

I have been going through a season of self-condemnation because I am not doing exactly what I had pictured. My best friend, Dustin, helped me through it. I always think that I have everything figured out...WRONG. Three months ago, if you had asked me about my job situation....I would have told you that what I am doing now would be too good to be true. Now that I am seeing results and that it is not too good to be true, I feel that I have to condemn myself for not being something else. I know it doesn't make sense. Now that I actually have something that I've only dreamt about, I fall into doubt...etc. It has taught me even more that God always knows what we can handle. This experience has really taught me to not dwell on what I don't have, but to meditate with gratefullness for what I do have. I realize that the richest people in the world would give up everything for a piece of what I have. I have a great marriage to my best friend, a great family (on both sides), and peace when I go to lay down at night. In the stillness, I know that He is God and I have no infirmities or worries. What more could I possibly ask for? I'm just in awe of my Savior and His provision. He WAS and IS and IS TO COME!

Lessons Learned Lately!

Hope you like my alliteration!

Anyways, I have gone through soo much lately, that I would rather not go into great detail about all of the trials, etc.; however, I would like to share my lessons learned.

1. Don't put God in a box! God can use you for whatever He sees fit. The next step may have nothing to do with the previous step and preparation.
2. My validity is not found in man! I have worked soo hard to be where I am today. I have made alot of good choices and have been saved since I was a child....I'm darn proud of that.
3. True friends are there to help you pick up the pieces, even when it doesn't always bring them pleasure. They are there no matter what.
4. God cares way more for doing what's best for me than pleasing the plans of someone else. He will mess everything up in your eyes to make sure that you become the best you can be at the end. His love is matchless in every way.
5. No one has the right to share their personal convictions to others. You share the cross...the gospel and what scriptures clearly define as good and evil. Man is an onion and must be peeled away in layers.
6. I am finally an adult. Through this rough season, I have learned how to accept myself as an adult and a professional in education.
7. Every day I am reminded more and more of my pulse and heartbeat....Teen Challenge. Not a day goes by that I don't think about something concerning it. I thank God for it. The feeling you get in seeing the end results of your labor is undescribable.
8. A true man of God won't fall even when half of his flesh is ripped away by evil.
9. Prayer changes things. I was in true defeat when I began to pray victory. I was also praying in the spirit, and ever since, I have felt such change in my heart and house.
10. We are doing something right, because Satan is at war with us! Every person I know personally that has moved to Texas for HSM has been attacked in more ways than can be described; however, more change and fire has been birthed in us that I can imagine.

I'll stop here.

This weekend Dustin's mom and family are coming for a visit. I'm so glad. She is a breath of fresh air.

I've also learned how much I love my parents. They mean the world to me.

PINK EYE

My life has been consumed with pink eye lately. I hate it! I couldn't work, and I can't see until Monday. I can't put my contacts back in until Monday.

Dustin and others have taken the best care of me. Dustin has cooked, cleaned, tucked me in to bed, made sure I was taking the right medicine at the right time, etc. He also helped calm me down when I started itching to death and freaking out because the Hydrocodone was making me feel loopy. I hate feeling out of control. I am so grateful for those people ( you know who you are ) that have taken such good care for me. I think the greatest love is love expressed when it wasn't required of that person!

I also feel such anticipation for the future. I know the future is a wonderful place. Jesus is in the driver's seat and I know that wherever we end up...it will be great! I don't have to be a passanger seat driver to know that His driving ends up in paradise!

Tomorrow, I am cooking pancakes for friends! I'm excited.

Whew!

The last week has been total chaos! I had a very tough week at work last week as I have no clue how to put a pre-k room together. Now that it is done and the kiddos are here, I am having a much better week. I have been sooo mentally drained...I can't even begin to explain.

Today I was blessed to pray with one of my girls. We prayed that Jesus would make her tummy feel better. We all said a prayer of thanks at lunch, and I got all the tight hugs I wanted! I try to hug and kiss every kid before they leave the room.

This has been a very rewarding experience already. I remembered today God telling me that I was to have my own ministry. I experienced this during an all night prayer rally. I had always though ministry was in Dustin's territory, but God assured me that I would be ministering. I hesitated but accepted it. I realized today that this is what this job has me doing! I talk about Jesus, pray with them, etc. The money issue seems to just fade away when I realize that this is really ministry! I'm a vessel of the Lord in shaping the young minds of our future.

I'm getting better at not feeling guilty or ashamed for not providing more for Dustin while he is in school. Steve Hill helped me put all of that into perspective. If I take care of God's house, He will take care of my house!

I've been getting a little lonely, lately. Dustin and I haven't been on a date in weeks, and I am about to burst. I know one is coming right around the corner.

I have a easy recipe that everyone should know about. When it cools, it tastes just as good as American Cookie Company...if not better. I am not joking.
spray pan
flatten a roll of cookie dough at the bottom
then layer one block of cream cheese mixed with powdered sugar (combine the two until desired sweetness)
flatten a roll of cookie dough on top
Bake till golden brown.
*You must let it cool for it to taste right. It needs to be at least room temperature or cooler. It lasts for days and it is sooooo good.

Bitter-Sweet.....but mostly SWEET!

This is my preschool classroom. Yes, I got a job! Hooray. It is bitter-sweet, because my miracle came in a different package than I was expecting.....God always seems to do that with me. I think he is trying to show me something...ya think?

I went for an interview on Tuesday. My boss called me on Wednesday and offered me the job. She is paying me the top wage that she is allowed, because I am a little over-qualified for the job...on paper that is. I don't think by any means that I am above working at a preschool. This is such a God thing in so many ways.

First, God has been showing me through studying and praying to not get too connected here. I'm not sure if that is in Texas or to teaching or what.? All I know is that I heard it and I'm seeing confirmation after confirmation. I know for sure that Dustin is to finish school of course, but I keep seeing God gently tell me to not establish "roots". I know that I am supposed to get involved with things, but He keeps nudging me to realize that no place on this earth is my home. As Watchman Nee puts it, "This earth is my temporary inn, or dwelling place."

Anyways, Pastor Janice informed me that she had over one hundred applicants for this job and had been interviewing for over a week. She never felt a peace about anyone. She told me that she knew when she was interviewing me that I was the one. She had six other interviews after me and she said that she wanted to call them and cancel, but she went through them anyways. This is a God thing! My first day on the job, she sat with me in my classroom and prayed with me. She is spirit-filled and is very passionate about her teacher being as well. I couldn't ask for a better working environment.

The reason I have said that this is bitter-sweet is because I catch myself feeling like a failure that I don't have a normal 1-5 classroom. I think more of my hurt lies in the fact that I so wanted to show everyone that God could provide me with a job in an impossible situation. I guess I am afraid that people will not see God's glory behind this job. I learned something beautiful behind this, though. I realized that God cared more about what was right for me and that school than He did about showing people that He could do it. It taught me that giving God glory for something isn't about Him providing in the impossible.....it's about giving Him glory for giving me what I need. He is the ultimate example in loving, isn't He? Oh, how my heart longs for this kind of foresight and wisdom. I also think about the huge pay cut, but then I remember how just having enough is what it's all about. I would rather my faith be strengthened than to be handed everything on a silver pladder. Lastly, I guess I'm also a little sad that I couldn't provide more comfort for my husband. He deserves the absolute best money can buy.

However, I know this is the plan God has for me and that I want to prove myself faithful with little....although the Holy Spirit quickens me to understand that teaching Jesus and knowledge to little ones for life is a very big responsibility. Maybe one day those little ones will draw on something that I have taught and modeled to them in life. I so want to show them how to make good choices and how to be successful in life. The best part is that I get to teach Jesus! That takes the cake!

On a different note, Dustin, Richie, and Justin have all been in orientation for school. I'm so stink'n excited for them. Those boys hold a very special place in my heart. Richie is quickly becoming a part of the family! Tuckie initiated him in by offering to let Richie play with him and his big boy bone! ha

Well, I guess I should straightn' up the house and get ready for the guys to come home.

"The B-I-B-L-E....Yes, that's the book for me"

I have been going through a particularly difficult time in my life these last couple of weeks. It has truely been a roller coaster. The job in Keller did not work out, but God has opened another door, for which I am perfect for. I will know something tomorrow. It is a christian preschool. The pay is much better than other preschools I have checked into and it offers paid vacation. I found the opening on Craigslist.com, and the lady told me that she had over one hundred viable candidates that applied. She informed me that she has been praying and seeking God on who to hire for the position. It is a pay cut, but I couldn't ask for a better working environment. All of the staff and the preschool are founded on everything I believe. They are spirit filled and even meet for a bible study once a month at the boss's house.

I've been reading and studying the word so much more than I ever have before. I'm not quite sure what leads me into a season of not reading my instruction manuel. I have been studying Abraham. I have learned sooooo much! I have learned the importance of intercession for both believers and non-believers. I have learned about how to handle every day situations, such as telling white-lies..etc. Today, I learned: that men would not do ill, if at first they did not think ill! I fwe have entered a wrong course, this will not excuse our knowingly persisting in it! I also learned that many are full of the blessings of God's providence that are strangers to the blessings of His covenent. I got most of those phrasings from the commentary, but I understand the applications as they are represented throughout the life and events in Abraham's life.

Lastly, a great friend has moved in with us in order to attend Steve Hill's school of ministry. He is a Teen Challenger, and he is a pleasure to get to know. Honestly, at first, I was hesitant because I didn't really know him that well. However, now I realize that it is such a blessing to us in many ways. I completely trust that this is God's will for us. It makes my heart smile in helping people such as Richie. I also rediscover peace about the situation as I remember telling Dustin over six months ago that I felt that we were supposed to have a student stay with us. I had totally dismissed it until it came to my memory again just a day or two ago.

Well, I'll keep you posted on my miracle....by the way, my miracle is whatever God has in store for me. It may not be packaged as I thought it would, but He works all things for the good for those that love Him.

What the Heck?

Well, today was not such a good day. Dustin and I decided to keep ourselves busy as we were sure I would get a phone call either way today.....nothing. We are both tense and aren't our normal selves and I hate it.

I decided to help out with a ministry at the church, and I messed up the dessert. It was kinda like the straw that broke the camels back, because I just began crying my eyes out. It was good to get some emotion out. I had to call and let the peopole know that I wasn't going to make it. The girl gave me 1Peter 1:3-8, which is what I had a huge revelation about about a week ago. That confirmed that that is exactly what is going on with us...a spiritual attack.

I'm okay now, but was discouraged as I felt I had no one to talk to. I feel like I always give out, but nothing comes in.....which inspired my title for this post. "What the Heck?" I know that I have people that would hear me, but having a friend that you can vent to would be great.

Anyways, God was there as always and knows my heart. Thank goodness! I've cleaned the house..now I am about to watch a movie until Dustin comes home.

What Now?

Today has been a very stressful day. As you know, I went on an interview on Monday. The principal told me that she would notify me on Thursday...today. I haven't heard anything. At the risk of looking very unprofessional, I called at 4:30 today, and the secretary told me that the principal has been in a retreat for two days. I talked myself into calling knowing that their decision has been made for days. They were waiting till today to make sure the successful candidate passed a background test. Well, the long awaited "Thursday" is here and I still don't know. For that school to expect so much out of new hires, they sure don't keep their word.

For a long time I was moping, but then I decided that it just wasn't going to effect my day! I have dont the absolute best I could...and by golly, that is good enough. I know that miracle is still on the way. I can see God's hand on this since the beginning, and I am not going to doubt now....or feel sorry for myself. God helped me through four years of school, placed me in a student teaching position that is the same grade and subject as the position that I just interviewed for. God placed a representative from that district in my path to set up the interview and then helped me through it!

All I know is that I have done EVERYTHING God has told me to do as well as tons of effort in order to be pleasing to Him. As my pastor says, " I've done everything I can, so God is doing everything I can't."

So just like my last few posts, I will keep you updated on my miracle! This will NOT take my joy! Blessings will run me down and take me over!

For the first time, I feel a little homesick.

Let the Waiting Begin!

I had a great weekend as we got to spend some great time with my parents. We got a Johnny's take and bake, which is awesome considering Dustin really misses Johnny's Pizza.

Today, I did great during my interview. I answered all of the quesitons confidently and with great teacher lingo. I know that they interviewed several people...so that makes it hard to wait. There are a couple of things that I wish I had said, but I guess everyone thinks of things they could say after the whole event is over. On a scale of 1-10, I think I gave it a solid 9. My only hesitation is that the math department head was a little bit rigid. I felt that no matter what I said, she would have reacted the same way. There were five people interviewing me, so it was quite nerve-wracking at first.

I know that God began this work, so I know He is faithful to complete it! This interview was only possible through personal connections I made through someone I met at church. I know that my miracle is here. I should know their final decision on Thursday. They said they would make the decision today, but there is a process they have to go through which takes a few days. No matter what happens, I know that this is a part of the process to receiving my miracle.

Dustin and I have also made a big decision concerning our finances. We plan to save over half of my salary to purchase our next vehicle without a note. If we keep living the way we are now, and just deposit everything else, it should happen within a year. I know that this will be very beneficial to us. Dustin will graduate from bible school in two years, and no matter what God callas us to, we don't want any type of note over our head...plus, it puts us in a good position to buy a house.

Well, that's all for now. I will keep you updated on the progress of my miracle.

Heartland World Ministries Church

This is my new church. There is so much soul food here that I just decided to post the link to the whole page. Steve Hill's latest messages are here. If you are anything like me, you will get hooked very fast.
Heartland World Ministries Church

Also, before you leave.....listen to this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gl1EnyXXS0

Another day is passed until the one that is my interview. I have great opportunities to pass the time, though. I am meeting my family this weekend to catch up. My sister and brother-in-law are coming tomorrow, and we are gonna have dinner! Then, Dustin and I are meeting with my parents on Saturday while my dad competes in skeet shooting. Also, we are picking up our newly restored truck! The transmission is totally rebuilt! ha

Well, catch ya later.

INTERVIEW

Well, this morning I was headed to introduce myself to a Dallas isd representative, and they called me and they said that I would have to make an appointment. Dustin and I turned around and went to eat at Cracker Barrell. I received a phone call there from a Dallas isd rep and he asked if I could e-mail him my certificate so he could recommend me for interviews next week.

Later, I was at Market Street, and I received a phone call from an intermediate (grade five and six only) school. I have an interview for Monday at 10:30. I am sooooo excited. Scripture then came to me that I hadn't even heard before.

I Peter 1:6-7 = In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been greived by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

This is the school that I am interviewing at:

Parkwood Hill Intermediate in Forth Worth

(It is a part of Keller isd)

I know that I am not hired yet, but I know my miracle is about to be delivered. Thanks to Jesus.

On a different note, everyone here says that I have an accent. What's up with that?

Oh yeah, be in prayer for us as we have to come up with alot of money to fix our truck.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

Well, I am giving this blog thing a try. I love to journal and I think this will be a good outlet.

I am currently seeking an elementary through middle school teaching position as was our goal in moving to Texas so that Dustin could go to ministry school. Dustin and I have worked very hard to get to this point. I am so proud of him for working so hard to make sure his family could undergo such a journey. We moved away from all of our family and friends to embark on what I like to call "Uncharted Territory."

Two years ago, principals were knocking me down wanting to hire me. Since then, they have had an overwhelming response, and there are over three hundred applicants per position open here. However, it is pretty plain and simple in my perspective as I know God told me to be a teacher. God has given me grace and a supportive family to finish school, and by golly He's not going to leave me high and dry now.

I have had days of absolute heartbreak thinking about all the bills to be paid without my getting a job. God helped me through that and reminded me of all He has done for me. Now, I am at the point where I know without a shadow of a doubt, that we will be provided for. It has been hard for me not to be sad and anxious as now I feel that my heart would stop beating if I weren't able to teach. I guess that is what happens when someone's purpose is threatened. However, I am victorious through Christ Jesus...so I will keep you updated on the process of my miracle.

Your prayers are appreciated.