I have been thinking a great deal lately!... I am always a deep thinker, but I have been especially deep lately. I've been blessed with the job of my dreams. During my struggle of finding a teaching job, I always thought in the back of my head, "God could just wave His hand in my direction and have the perfect job for me, so why isn't He?." Well, He has but in His own timing. I am so thankful to Him. As I began recounting the mountainous steps of faith that led me to this job, I began pondering the things for which I am most gateful.
Of course, I am thankful for the normal things......my husband, health, family etc. However, I am so gateful beyond just what my immediate response seems to be to that topic. I am grateful that I have endured the journey to this moment. I wouldn't trade the hardship for anything. I know I have helped others through what I have experienced. I have a new friend that is going through a hardship in finding the job right for him, and I could immediately see him in the beginning stages of the mistakes I made in doubting my right standing with God. At the beginning of my job hunt, I just knew I was being punished or that I had somehow failed a test. I praise God that I was at least able to tell this person that he is not alone and that it was just an opportunity to grow closer to God.
I am so exceedingly blessed to look back on the past year and to not see illness and tragic heartache. I am so blessed to still have parents alive and madly in love with each other. I am so blessed to have a support system from family to Teen Challenge to friends to my church.
I am thankful for everything that has made up this one moment. I am so grateful to know that I have been God's arms at least a few times to some people that desperately needed the love of God manifested through another believer. I am so blessed to have been launched into evangelism at such a young age. I am blessed to have shoes on my feet and hot water. I am blessed to have known the comfort of God in a new way.
I have realized lately that an individual knows God and His "realness" only to the extent to which he has experienced it. I can talk all day long about the depth of God, but unless you have had a deep experience, then we are not connecting. I hate that there are so few ways to usher people in to the real and manifest prescence of God. It's like when you ask someone what church they are a part of and you know it is spiritually dead or on life support, and they think it is the bomb! It greives my heart that there are not more avenues of true worship to God....true encounters....divine appointments.....
My heart is left empty at the thought of the broken hearted remaining lost, yet extremely overflowing when I can love on just one.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
I FOUND the Wild Card!
Well, today is going to be a fantastic day for sure. I have been dying to post this blog, because I have become addicted to publishing the works of a very real and active God.
A few weeks back, a lady was praying over me. She informed me that I was a visionary and that I was going to have vision to take things to an additional level. She also said (through God) that I would begin to have visions and dreams. Well, since then I have!
I was in the vehicle, and I had a very quick vision of a hand of Phase 10 cards....except the cards were in God's hand and I knew it. The cards look unfamiliar to me at one point, but then very familiar at another. I realized that God was in heaven wanting to unleash a work in a very specific way on earth to someone. He was pondering.....I was thinking 'What's He gonna do?" A card was then illuminated to me....the WILD card. When I saw the WILD card become visible, I felt heaven and God rejoicing so that He could do what He wanted in a very small way to someone He loved. It took a minute for Him to find the WILD card because He was searching out the card that was usuable one at a time. It showed me that He is drawing me and His followers to not just focus on becoming great at some things that pertain to our own interests and current abilities. I must strive to become His WILD card so that His hand will be absolutely free to move as He pleases.
God, make me the WILD card so that I can be the apple of your eye and the one that will make all You did on the cross worth it. I want my life to use all of what you provided for me through the cross. Lord, give me wisdom to know when I'm the card you want to put out!
SCRIPTURES
1 Chronicles 28:9
“As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever.
“As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever.
Job 13:9
Will it be well when He searches you out?Or can you mock Him as one mocks a man?
1 Corinthians 2:10
But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Warrent Has Been Carried Out!
Well, God warrented my job to me! Thank you, Jesus! I am still in a bit of shock, but excitement has overtaken me in waves. So many people have made this victory even more joyout through their sincere happiness for me. I am sooo blessed to have established a second church family in such a short amount of time. I am especially grateful for the wiser women God has already put in my path. Mrs. Jerri and Mrs. Arneta, I love you dearly. It is not even that I have had the honor of spending very much time with them, but I hang on their every word. I also want to shout OUT to Lacey and Jasmine.....you have blessed me more than you could possibly know. I LOVE YOU.
I will start my new job as soon as my paperwork clears for Dallas ISD. That should be mid week, so I am not sure if I will start before or after Thanksgiving. I am just thankful.
Also, I have experienced another element of victory with a friend. She has faced a ginormous hurdle, but she is choosing to make some wise choices. Regardless of the hows and whys, I am proud she is making the right choice today.
I will start my new job as soon as my paperwork clears for Dallas ISD. That should be mid week, so I am not sure if I will start before or after Thanksgiving. I am just thankful.
Also, I have experienced another element of victory with a friend. She has faced a ginormous hurdle, but she is choosing to make some wise choices. Regardless of the hows and whys, I am proud she is making the right choice today.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Joshua to Jenna
As I am sure you already know, I had an interview at Central Elementary last Friday! I connected with all of the staff and was one of the few called back to observe at the beginning of this week. It is exactly the position that I have always wanted. It is the kind of school that teachers want to retire at, but it also has the demographic of students that I prefer. To top it off, I feel the position was literally created for me. It is a new position not a replacement; therefore, I know it my heart God opened it FOR me. There are crazy similarities between this position and different events that have taken place in my journey to be a teacher.
My student teaching was at a school named Central Elementary. It was fifth grade math and science. This school is called Central Elementary and the position is for fifth grade math and science! I have always requested that my field experiences be placed in higher poverty schools, which is exactly what this is. I also have the harder to get certifcation in Texas which is something they told me made me stand out above the other applicants. I feel at home at this school for sure.
Needless to say, my mind has become increasingly anxious. Throughout the interview process, I had sooo much PEACE. I believe it was for God to allow me to be myself and to gain the position with confidence. However, now that the interview process is over, I am like it says in Pslams 139 "For their is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether." I'm at a loss for words that can describe my inner thoughts, but God knows it perfectly. How great it is to have a God that "knows my sitting down and rising up, who understands my thoughts afar off, and who is acquainted with all of my ways."
I've also been in deep thought conerning the voice of God in my life. It isn't as clear as I would like it to be. I feel there is a new wine available, but I must get rid of my old wineskin in order to move on. I was led to Joshua in the bible, because he was a great leader that had many promises from God. It was vital for Him to discern direction for God in order to complete the mission that Moses had begun. It mentions several times in the book of Joshua that God says to him, "Be strong and of good courage, have I not commanded thee?" God's instruction to Joshua was to meditate on the law day in and day out and to realize that if God has established something, no one can come against it.
Joshua was charged to go into the land of Canaan and to cross the Jordon; however, he had no supplies for a bridge or any boats! He was at the end of himself, and, like so many of us today, was in total need of provision. I see my current situation in this, because I know the charge God has put on my life to teach! Therefore, I must be as Joshua! I receive God's voice telling me, "Be of good courage....Have I not commanded thee?"
Lastly, the commentary points out that when God has established you to move forward in a land depleated of the resources to do it, you must recognize that God's voice for it to be done is a warrant! "Have I not commanded thee" can now be translated into "I will therefore help thee, succeed thee accept thee, reward thee!" I realize that I am not subject to man, but that man is subject to the warrents God has spoken over me! No man will ever keep His establishments from coming to pass!
I am believing for favor. I am believing "how precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You."
So....I will rest in the humbleness of what this situation forces me into, but I will NEVER distrust my God.
My student teaching was at a school named Central Elementary. It was fifth grade math and science. This school is called Central Elementary and the position is for fifth grade math and science! I have always requested that my field experiences be placed in higher poverty schools, which is exactly what this is. I also have the harder to get certifcation in Texas which is something they told me made me stand out above the other applicants. I feel at home at this school for sure.
Needless to say, my mind has become increasingly anxious. Throughout the interview process, I had sooo much PEACE. I believe it was for God to allow me to be myself and to gain the position with confidence. However, now that the interview process is over, I am like it says in Pslams 139 "For their is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether." I'm at a loss for words that can describe my inner thoughts, but God knows it perfectly. How great it is to have a God that "knows my sitting down and rising up, who understands my thoughts afar off, and who is acquainted with all of my ways."
I've also been in deep thought conerning the voice of God in my life. It isn't as clear as I would like it to be. I feel there is a new wine available, but I must get rid of my old wineskin in order to move on. I was led to Joshua in the bible, because he was a great leader that had many promises from God. It was vital for Him to discern direction for God in order to complete the mission that Moses had begun. It mentions several times in the book of Joshua that God says to him, "Be strong and of good courage, have I not commanded thee?" God's instruction to Joshua was to meditate on the law day in and day out and to realize that if God has established something, no one can come against it.
Joshua was charged to go into the land of Canaan and to cross the Jordon; however, he had no supplies for a bridge or any boats! He was at the end of himself, and, like so many of us today, was in total need of provision. I see my current situation in this, because I know the charge God has put on my life to teach! Therefore, I must be as Joshua! I receive God's voice telling me, "Be of good courage....Have I not commanded thee?"
Lastly, the commentary points out that when God has established you to move forward in a land depleated of the resources to do it, you must recognize that God's voice for it to be done is a warrant! "Have I not commanded thee" can now be translated into "I will therefore help thee, succeed thee accept thee, reward thee!" I realize that I am not subject to man, but that man is subject to the warrents God has spoken over me! No man will ever keep His establishments from coming to pass!
I am believing for favor. I am believing "how precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You."
So....I will rest in the humbleness of what this situation forces me into, but I will NEVER distrust my God.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Security
I was reading my Word, and a portion JUMPED out at me.
"The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men. From the place of His dwelling He looks on all the inhabitants of the earth; He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works. NO KING IS SAVED BY THE MULTITUDE OF AN ARMY; A MIGHTY MAN IS NOT DELIVERED BY GREAT STRENGTH. A HORSE IS A VAIN HOPE FOR SAFETY; NEITHER SHALL IT DELIVER ANY BY ITS GREAT STRENGTH.. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy, to deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because w have trusted in His holy name. Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon us just as we hope in you." Psalm33:13-22
I am encouraged to know that my security is based on this rather than in the amount of wealth that I have accumulated when/if a depression or famine comes. I am grateful that it's not who you know in the world but who you know to be your Savior. It really drives the point home that God really is made powerful when we are standing empty handed.
Thank you Jesus for being my EVERYTHING. I am so glad that the kingdom is a relational rather than political!
As I'm sure you are aware, I have a teaching interview tomorrow! It is a fourty minute drive through Dallas but totally worth it. I will keep you informed and appreciate your prayers of support.
"The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men. From the place of His dwelling He looks on all the inhabitants of the earth; He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works. NO KING IS SAVED BY THE MULTITUDE OF AN ARMY; A MIGHTY MAN IS NOT DELIVERED BY GREAT STRENGTH. A HORSE IS A VAIN HOPE FOR SAFETY; NEITHER SHALL IT DELIVER ANY BY ITS GREAT STRENGTH.. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy, to deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because w have trusted in His holy name. Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon us just as we hope in you." Psalm33:13-22
I am encouraged to know that my security is based on this rather than in the amount of wealth that I have accumulated when/if a depression or famine comes. I am grateful that it's not who you know in the world but who you know to be your Savior. It really drives the point home that God really is made powerful when we are standing empty handed.
Thank you Jesus for being my EVERYTHING. I am so glad that the kingdom is a relational rather than political!
As I'm sure you are aware, I have a teaching interview tomorrow! It is a fourty minute drive through Dallas but totally worth it. I will keep you informed and appreciate your prayers of support.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
My Pearl - Ha
This evening as I was taking my dogs out, God embraced me as I stood there outside. It was a familiar embrace that nothing in this world could ever compare with. The best way that I can physically describe it is that it is like coming in from freezing temperatures and stepping into a quaint cabin with a fire lit, then curling up in a warm blanket that is big enough to completely surround you. It is complete bliss to be embraced and loved by the creator of the Universe. My Creator is so powerful, yet so gentle and hospitable to my fragile flesh. Isn't that beautiful?....
I walked back inside to make myself some hot tea, and I felt it again. As I began to surrender to the love that God was wanting to wrap me in, I realized that God's love for me never leaves. I have been under such distress with so many different aspects of my life....I've often thought God was using it to correct me or punish me in areas that I thought I had totally surrendered to Him. I, in a sense, felt entrapped by what I thought had been a pursuit of righteousness.
As I began to sip my tea and focus on what God was trying to show me, I realized that the depth of His love for me overcomes all of my insecurities. He assured me that the trials and distress had been an opportunity to experience intimacy with Him in a way that I never knew was possible. I began to understand that the trials and stresses weren't a sign of my wrong actions, but a sign that God loves me enough to do whatever possible to get closer to me. He knows I run to Him more when the hard time come! I know that He does this from LOVE because God completely knows that He is in control; therefore, these trials that bring me closer are in actuality completely controlled by God. I am certainly not saying that God inflicts pain upon His children for His own sake, but what I am saying is that an enormous rush of peace overwhelms me to know that my future days aren't as unsteady as I originally thought.
Although, I have no complete understanding of what Job went through, I felt so relieved to find his story in the bible. He faced unimaginable trials. However, he had a similar revelation when he said, "For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I will SEE God." God has the last say...PERIOD. The commentary states that moments before this statement, he was under enormous oppression. However, God embraced him and he felt an extraordinary impulse of the blessed Spirit, which raised him above Himself, gave him light, and gave him utterance. This hope quieted his spirit, stilled the storm, and, having here cast anchor within the veil, his mind was kept steady from this time forward.
I have to say that sums up exactly what I felt. As I felt the impulse of the Holy Spirit, I began to decree inside of my soul that God is my Redeemer from all that life can throw at you. I felt raised above myself, quieted by the Spirit, stilled in the storm, and anchored within the veil as to keep my mind steady from that moment forward.
Now, I pray to God that I will learn to lean, rest, and rely on Him just as much in the good times as in the difficult times. Thank you Jesus, for not letting me take shortcuts to becoming who I am going to be. When I go to heaven, I don't want to have not known the victorious power that comes after trials and oppression. I want to be able to rejoice in heaven knowing that all of who God is is what I experienced on earth. I may not have a dazzling testimony filled with deliverance from drugs etc, but when I go to heaven I will know Jesus as not just my lover and friend but also my Redeemer and Strong Tower!
In case you are wondering, I write my experiences in this blog because I have a passion for writing and I hope to articulate what God has done in my life to bring glory to Him. I have been journaling faithfully since I was a freshman in high school. I love writing and expressing my inner thoughts so that maybe just one discouraged soul may be uplifted by a testimony of what the Lord is doing in my life. Just as Job's story better put into words my encounter, so I hope that my story will expand someone else's perspective of a current encounter.
I walked back inside to make myself some hot tea, and I felt it again. As I began to surrender to the love that God was wanting to wrap me in, I realized that God's love for me never leaves. I have been under such distress with so many different aspects of my life....I've often thought God was using it to correct me or punish me in areas that I thought I had totally surrendered to Him. I, in a sense, felt entrapped by what I thought had been a pursuit of righteousness.
As I began to sip my tea and focus on what God was trying to show me, I realized that the depth of His love for me overcomes all of my insecurities. He assured me that the trials and distress had been an opportunity to experience intimacy with Him in a way that I never knew was possible. I began to understand that the trials and stresses weren't a sign of my wrong actions, but a sign that God loves me enough to do whatever possible to get closer to me. He knows I run to Him more when the hard time come! I know that He does this from LOVE because God completely knows that He is in control; therefore, these trials that bring me closer are in actuality completely controlled by God. I am certainly not saying that God inflicts pain upon His children for His own sake, but what I am saying is that an enormous rush of peace overwhelms me to know that my future days aren't as unsteady as I originally thought.
Although, I have no complete understanding of what Job went through, I felt so relieved to find his story in the bible. He faced unimaginable trials. However, he had a similar revelation when he said, "For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth; And after my skin is destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I will SEE God." God has the last say...PERIOD. The commentary states that moments before this statement, he was under enormous oppression. However, God embraced him and he felt an extraordinary impulse of the blessed Spirit, which raised him above Himself, gave him light, and gave him utterance. This hope quieted his spirit, stilled the storm, and, having here cast anchor within the veil, his mind was kept steady from this time forward.
I have to say that sums up exactly what I felt. As I felt the impulse of the Holy Spirit, I began to decree inside of my soul that God is my Redeemer from all that life can throw at you. I felt raised above myself, quieted by the Spirit, stilled in the storm, and anchored within the veil as to keep my mind steady from that moment forward.
Now, I pray to God that I will learn to lean, rest, and rely on Him just as much in the good times as in the difficult times. Thank you Jesus, for not letting me take shortcuts to becoming who I am going to be. When I go to heaven, I don't want to have not known the victorious power that comes after trials and oppression. I want to be able to rejoice in heaven knowing that all of who God is is what I experienced on earth. I may not have a dazzling testimony filled with deliverance from drugs etc, but when I go to heaven I will know Jesus as not just my lover and friend but also my Redeemer and Strong Tower!
In case you are wondering, I write my experiences in this blog because I have a passion for writing and I hope to articulate what God has done in my life to bring glory to Him. I have been journaling faithfully since I was a freshman in high school. I love writing and expressing my inner thoughts so that maybe just one discouraged soul may be uplifted by a testimony of what the Lord is doing in my life. Just as Job's story better put into words my encounter, so I hope that my story will expand someone else's perspective of a current encounter.
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