Tools...

I was sitting in the gym while Richie and Dustin were working out. I am never motivated in an empty gym with tons of equipment and a treadmill with an empty slate as a calorie counter that moves slower than the second hand on a clock.  Anyways,  I was sitting there wondering why my promised land seems to be filled with challenges already.  I heard the Holy Spirit within me say, "Anything will seem to be a challenge when you are doing it in YOUR own strength."  I really hope that you will be able to grasp the reality of this even if you have not experienced it yourself.

When I went on my interview at Central Elementary, where I now teach, I was walking away with a strong urge to go back and show my face one last time to the teachers that I had observed and who had interviewed me in addition to the principal.  Every ounce of my wanted to turn back and do what I think was best.  I heard the Holy Spirit say, "NO, I'll take care of it!."  I literally stopped as my legs began to feel like they were 1000 pounds.  I continued on to my vehicle and with my half heart smurk of a voice said, "Okay God, You have it!"  I knew that the peace I had experienced before that moment was the beginning of the will that God had in mind for me.  I had sooo much peace about the interview, that I showed up to the interview without even my resume!  God made sure that I knew from start to finish that this was HIS effort and none of mine.   I realize now this was me successfully being his tool, just SHOWING UP.  Just showing up when he draws me to prayer, evangelism, Teen Challenge stuff, and my job is all that I've had to do in the greatest missions God has appointed me to.

So when I was sitting on a contraption to work my back muscles, I realized that I had took the reigns away from God and in my actions and heart had said, "God, I have it from here."  For some reason, I felt that His job was done and that it was my responsibility and burden from here on out.  I felt like my father had been pushing me and holding on to my bike and then let go for me to take the controls all by myself.  Thankfully, God has a two seater bike in mind for us.  So today, I stopped the bike and got off the front seat.  I let Him have it and I tell ya it's already a way more comfortable ride.

In this season of my life, I want to show up and be the tool that God wants.  I will lie here in complete availability to my God.  What good am I if I constantly try to manipulate and work myself to death on a smaller job that was not even meant for me.  God knows exactly what tool to use at what time.   I don't want to be a wrench that constantly is begging and trying to manipulate myself into a hammer.  Pardon the medaphor.  I want to be the best wrench around! haha 

Webster's definition of a tool is a handheld device that aides in accomplishing a task.  I love that I am handheld!  Every tool is useful, too.  Isn't that amazing.

I have a dear friend somewhere that has been muted by the enemy.  I declare for you friend, if you read this, that you are a mouthpiece of God.  When your words have been silent, I declare this next season in your life will be a time where you words will become a two edged sword to divide truth and lies.  I declare that your words will edify, prophesy, and solidify the will of God here on earth in the lives of countless people.  I just looked up the word mouthpiece in Webster's dictionary.  Mouthpiece - one that expresses or interprets another's views.  I love that.

Without a Plan

I have no plan for this blog post.  I decided just to sit down with absolutely nothing in particular burning in my brain.  Currently, my husband is playing Madden on XBOX 360.  My Tara is curled up in a tiny ball on a footrest.  Tucker is in his kennel fast asleep.  Lastly, I am sitting here at the computer with completely randomn thoughts cruzing through my head.

It is snowing outside, so being at home with my little family seems very cozy at the moment.  However, I wish I could say I have gotten more done up to this point.  I have a great deal of work that could be done.  I am in a constant tug-of-war with myself.  On one hand, I think that I need to take advantage of this time off.  On the other, I feel I must take advantage of this time to rest....work will ALWAYS be there.

After we arrived home from Louisiana, we immediately hit the road again to be with our good friend, Erik Hill.  He is one of the people Dustin and I both will take to the grave as a dear friend.  We literally put all of our belongings on the floor and left again after a four hour drive home.  We ate a hole in the wall italian restaurant, then we finsished off the evening at Starbucks.  By the way, their Christmas blend is sooo yummy....so I hear from Dustin and Richie.  Well, Richie hasn't said anything, but he makes it ALL the time. haha  To the top is Erik - to the bottom is Richie.

Today, we all had Chick Fil A for lunch.  Dustin forgot something, so when he went back to get that plus Richie some lunch, we found out it was free because we were the 100th customer.  Yipee.

Lastly,  I am currently learning what evangelism is all about.  You have some people that make it a mission to go out and make it happen.  I have found, FOR ME, that the Holy Spirit is just bringing it to me.  I feel that when the Holy Spirit sences that you will be a vessel without hesitation, He will send the opportunities left and right...Perhaps, my eyes have just been opened to the opportunities that have already existed.  As Brandon Heath expresses, "Give me Your eyes for just one second, Give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing. Give me Your love for humanity."

Christmas ....

So much has gone on in my life and head this Christmas.  On Christmas, I kept thinking about the brokeness that so many people are facing this holiday.  I couldn't fathom how much pain was being masked behind smiles and fellowship.  I think about my pastor, Steve Hill, and his family.  He is battling with treatments for cancer.  I saw a post that his wife, Jeri, made.  She mentioned that something to the effect that she was trying to embrace the joy and not to let heaviness come in.  I thought about all of the people that they have blessed and the difference they have made in countless lives.  My heart refused to be completely joyous and oblivious to pain being felt by my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I also thought about Chris Rogers, a young man battling cancer that had no insurance.  His meds are most than what most people could manage in a month, not to mention the cost of medical treatment and hospitialization.  I look at the picture of him and his wife, and I realize that Dustin and I aren't much different than they are. My heart breaks.  Click here to donate to Chris.  I also thought of Autumn Wyatt, a school teacher in the Dodson area that I have grown to love over the years.  She always has a bright smile and a positive attitude.  I ran into her mom at TJ Max, and I couldn't help but feel the remnants of worry. 

Because of all this plus the fact that my mind kept reverting to my poverty stricken kids from school, I just couldn't pretend like all was well with the world.  On the way to Rayville, Dustin and I prayed for the heaviness felt by our brothers and sisters.  I realized that this is what Christmas was all about.  Jesus came into the world to carry our burden.   I am so thankful that I am in maybe some small part allowed to help carry the burden for those less fortunate in this season.  I couldn't help but think that so much victory is going to come from all this pain, yet another reason Jesus came to us in the manger.  Only with Jesus, does such pain and heartbreak turn to unspeakable joy and unprecedented strength.

Today, we are heading home to Texas.  I need the time to get ready for teaching when school starts back.  I did have a great Christmas.  I am so thankful when God changes my plans.  There is no acceptance like knowing God wants to share something with you. What a beautiful Maker.

John 16:33
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

Friend vs Foe

Well, here I am again with another philosphical debate bouncing around in my head.......What is a friend?

I recently had a textersation (conversation though text) with a friend of mine that made me think.  I have a particular situation going on that is forcing me to once again be a true friend......a friend that is your friend when there is absolutely nothing to gain.  Please, no one read this and think it is you...because you may think it is, but you have no idea. ha

I tried to lie down and nap after this textersation, but I kept going over and over again in my head....Am I a true friend?....How come I have always known in my heart what that means, yet it is sooo hard to put into words when explaining it to someone else.  I immediately reverted back to my best friend, Dustin.  I asked myself how am I a friend to him, because I know my love for him is unselfish and unconditional.  It will never end.  I know that I love him to the point that I recognize when it is a good time to step up and address something and when it is a good time to just stand in support of his persuit and pray for God's light to bring a particular issue forward.  I'm his friend because I share everything with him.  I'm his friend because I'm always in persuit of what is in his best interest.....most of the time.  I feel that I'm his friend more so than I am his wife, because being my husband's friend is so much more time consuming and invovled than being his wife.  When I'm his friend, I then become his wife in the fewer times needed.  He needs me much less often to be his wife than to be his friend.  Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of the responsibilities of being a wife.  My being his wife is first priority, yet I find myself succeeding in wifelyhood when I become the role of his best friend.  I hope this comes across the way I see it.

Anyways,  I ask myself again and again, am I doing with this particular person what a friend should be doing?  My heart says, "YES."

Webster says a friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem or a favored companion.  Therefore, I find myself in assurance that I am doing the right thing.  I favor this person in sparing their own agenda towards me in order for God's voice to be heard in his/her life.  If I were to just come out and be completely honest, I believe this situation would take a turn for the worst in more ways than one.  I truely know in my heart this is best for all.  I favor this person more than to let pettiness steal, kill, and destroy.  My love has never changed nor has my heart for good to envelope this individual.  I feel being a friend is so much more than surface...it's just plain spiritual.  

The bible says we don't wrestle again flesh and blood anways; therefore, I know that doing what I have to do to ward harm away is best.

Thanks friend for the textersation that led me to deep thought.  I know I have established what is right for me.

My pups sure know what friendship is about! ha

We Really Don't Know Extreme.....

First of all, the job is going great.  I LOVE my students....they have no idea how much.  It blesses me beyond belief. 

About what's going on with my title.....

Lately, I've been thinking about how people always think mine and Dustin's views are so extreme.  I began to think about the other extreme people I know. I then began to think about when is it right or best, and when or if is it ever wrong..  I have come to the conclusion that the world only sees extreme christianity as an offense.  I think of people that think....."oh, there they go with that extreme religion again."  However, I never hear anyone say, "Oh, there they go with the extreme liberalism." Why is it that extreme christianity gets the bad rap?  The world is very extreme in pushing self-seeking lust into our face. 

I've come into HUGE combats with people over the secular music thing.  They act like I go around preaching that people are going to hell if they listen to it.  It's like people get offended when they find out that's what you view.  Since when is it a crime or since when has it become an offense for me to have personal boundaries that I live by?  Pastor Jacob said it best when he explained scripture on judgement.  He explained that you are able to inspect others to the same degree you have drawn the same boundaries in your own life.  It's called living in the LIGHT.  When you are living in the light, when someone points light (judgement) at you, it doesn't blind you and take you back.. When you live in darkness, one ounce of light is blinding.  We should all strive to continually get better.  I mean this sounds like practical biblical application to me. (By the way, I'm not saying I think it's okay for everyone to act like jerks.)

Anyways, I was thinking about when is it pleasing to be extreme and is there a time to have an off button?  Well, as most of you know, I'm a huge Teen Challenge advocate.  I know it's a part of who I am; therefore, extremism is the ticket for individuals coming from extreme departure from God. 

I do feel that my "extreme" boundaries have played a huge role in keeping me pure and saved throughout my life since childhood.  So people may try and point the finger at my life, but I know those values were put there by God and I contribute my childhood salvation and endurance of it to boundaries that are set in persuit of holiness.   I still don't understand why people view such little boundaries as extremism.

So, call me extreme.....call me critical......call me judgemental.  My Jesus paid an extreme price for an extreme cause.  All of us have yet to imagine how extreme it actually was at that time.  I'd rather be "extreme" here than be considered "mediocre" in heaven. 

I'm not sorry for anything that I do in the name of my Savior.

LOVE ??......

Lately, I have been thinking a great deal about love.  I think to myself, "How could God love me the way he does.....How can I love the way he does?.....How do I open myself up to receive the depth of His love, and how can I inspire others to do the same?"  Unfortunately, I have found that in today's world people can't recognize and accept this kind of love. It often is perceived as fake or sometimes even offensive. 

I've found that in many cases, people are offended by love because they are just sooo darn scared of it.  So many people have so many covered wounds that when they begin to sense love, they turn away in the name of another issue that they then can use as an excuse to get away from you.  So many people have become okay with just covering up wounds instead of surrendering to the process that will actually heal them.  Many times, healing of those wounds comes from fellowship with other believers and through confession and a realization of our own part in the creation of the wound.  Now that we live in such a "please me" world, it's become okay even in the church to avoid any such submission; therefore, we all have forsaken the love that was made available through the cross.

I've asked God many times in the past week, "God, how do I love someone when I don't see things the way they do or when I know they know they are in complete wrongness?  Where do I draw the line between love and mercy and standing up for righteousness."  I then led myself to evaluate what God has done for me as I know there have been many times when I have disappointed Him.  All I can say, is that I at all times know where He stands.  I'm the one that chooses to step forwards or backwards.  So, my conclusion is that with all the people in my life, no matter how deep of wounds I may have towards them and no matter how disappointed I sometimes am, I will strive to show love by standing firm where I am.  I will strive to be as God - always there and a fountain of endless love that is never lessened or even increased....just always the same.  I hope to be as consistant in other's lives as God has been in my own.  No matter what choices are made by the people around me, I will stand where I have always stood.  I won't walk away anymore.....I won't shake my head in disapproval....I won't stand be there pointing the finger saying, "what goes around comes around."

God, I pray your wisdom would envelope me into a similance of what You have done for me.  I also pray that you would make us all volnerable again so that we could step out of whatever we have built around our hearts as protection, and again become recipients of You (LOVE).