Wow, what can I say?....It has been soo long since I have blogged. I honestly work so much that it is very hard to make time for this little stuff that I enjoy so much. I have a note page in my iphone that has lists of blog titles. I think of little sermonettes or testimonettes (ha) all of the time. Sometimes, I get the urge to just take a pastor's microphone and start talking. I know that it will all come as God wills. I never feel preachy, I just feel like I have so many words just bottled up. Blogging gives me a great outlet, so I appreciate you taking the time to read and/or ponder what I have to say.
The most urgent message on my heart deals with a sermon that I heard today. Lately, I have been honestly experiencing doubt. It seems that I would rather doubt God's existance than realize I must accept the fact that EVERYTHING is really in God's hands should I make ministry and God my life. God has really put me in a season of Apologetics personally. God is making sure I know what I believe and why.
I was sitting in the sauna today, and it hit me to just talk out all of my doubts with God. I told Him how I know that He exists and I thanked Him for every time He has proved Himself real! I began to tell Him how I felt, and I felt such a release. I found no condemnation....just unconditional LOVE. This is exactly what reassured me of His existance. When you are feeling so dirty and filthy, God clothes you the moment you lay yourself fully and exposed at His feet.
Today, the preacher on the radio was telling a story of how he had jumped into a pool but had scraped his chin badly on the side. He explained that when he was a kid, stitched weren't as advanced as they are now. They were painful, yet necessary. He went on to say that just before the doctor was about to stitch him up, the doctor instructed his father to hold down his arms. The father did not hesitate before holding down his arms. This is the perfect example of God's love. Sometimes, He has to hold you down in order to make you better. This may have hit home with me because I had such an earthly father; however, I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father is this way as well! The sermon was very good! He also explained that God does things for us not to us! He will also do what's best for us and not necessarily what is good to us.
As Kari Jobe clearly explains my current state: "I know that You are for me, I know You'll never forsake me in my weakness!"
I think I was finding a way out of my own fear that serving God would mean something like unexpected persecution or something terrible. When I finally surrendered that to God unashamedly, He accepted it and replaced a spirit of fear with a spirit of confidence. I may not know what tomorrow holds in my life, but I have found a love greater than life!
Extra titles I could have blogged:
-Let Your Lillypad become Your Platform - The bible talks about how God spreads out the ground beneath our steps. Sometimes, we have to step out onto shakyness, but God makes it wide and firm as our foot comes down. I felt the Holy Spirit confirm to me that this is stepping out in faith, and that this will be the platform to which the world will hear of His goodness.
-What if God gave His 10% - I'm so thankful that God gives way more than His 10%. This revealed to me that He does ask for 10% of our income....that is not to say that we are dismissed from giving our all spiritually, physically, and emotionally to Him. We do this out of love for Him, not out of duty.
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