Journaling

There was a time when I constantly felt left out of what God was doing in mine and Dustin's life.  He spends soo much time with God and godly people, that I began to fear that I would wake up one day, and Dustin would lead us in a direction that I had no idea was coming.  I felt disconnected and discouraged. I felt the Holy Spirit guide me to buy a journal that both of us write in when God speaks to us.  Since then, I have felt soooo much more connected.  What I'm about to write about comes from this journal. :)

Lately, I've been feeling disgust with religion.  I've been hesitant to share things like this, because I remember when I was a young christian, talk like this was soo yucky to me.  I just didn't understand.  I'm sure there are several things and demensions that I do not still understand.  I have such a distate with religion.  I'm so tired of feeling such a responsibility to evangelize, but such little understanding and faith to do it.  My personal prayer is to have God's power and voice be a part of me....not something that I just try to sell to people out of obligation.

God showed me that when you are righteous for the right reason, you will enter the relm of healings, miracles, and deliverance that is reserved for those SERIOUS about God.   We are to release healings, not demand it.  If you love Him, you will take care of His sheep. 

Part of what my husband shared in the journal, is that he feels God calling him to mobilize the youth to evangelism.   Well, not quite sure yet how I feel about this, but you know what, it doesn't matter! I do not live by feelings.  I've been finding that so many things I am subconciously demanding from God is what He is asking from me.  There is a hold up spiritually, and it is my fault.  I wanted more of God, but He wants more of me. I wanted to hear His voice more, He wants to hear mine more!  He wins!......my victory comes through my responding to what He has already done for me.  Everything is waiting for ME to tap into!  I know He wants me to have it more than I want it for myself.