So now that I am about five months pregnant, I am feeling waves of emotions everyday. I'm not wishing to change them or delete them. I'm just fine sitting down with stamps, markers, and freshly bought cards for whatever my loved ones are experiencing. I'm fine turning on worship or sitting in silence crying over whatever has me stirred up today.
In my quiet time this morning, God gave me such a fresh revelation. Dustin and I are going through spiritual inventory these days. In the midst of man's correction, religeons' politics, and the want for worldly riches, we have come to solitude with our first love. Our life has gone from exciting dream conversations to moments on the couch of just holding each other in silence as we get through difficult moments and abrasions the world leaves us with.
Needless to say, we have literally let go of EVERYTHING we had - dreams, opportunities, friends, money, etc. We are finding that in our laying down of these things, that Jesus is bringing back the things that were established on fertile soil within the context of love, not performance and works.
As I was meditating, praying, and reading a story of God's provision, God spoke to me. As we search for direction, God showed me that His direction is more often than not just that....a direction. I know I'm so guilty of looking for a specific step or specific promise that will coax me onto the right path. I've prayed so often for direction, not at all realizing that I was unhappy unless he gave me specific promises and details of the journey. I was corrected as I read the story of Jacob. His father and heavenly Father had instructed him to marry a woman from his mother's bloodline. This was his mandate. So what did he do next? He got direction. The direction wasn't "go here, do this, and you have it." His direction was "Go East."
Jacob obeyed in persuit of a wife and set off east. He had no idea where the provision of God would lead him, but he knew his provision lied on the path that was in the right direction. His provision required faith, obedience, and action....not years of waiting for God to drop a wife in his lap. I'm encouraged that my provision is going to be found on a path, not in waiting. There will be steps on my path that I won't be in possession of provision, but His grace will keep me. I will work together with Jesus and my family to see His will unfold for us.
So God, send me north, south, east, or west....I'm working towards going in your direction instead of demanding your infinate knowledge of how my life will pan out. You are sovereign and I trust you.
Psalms 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
