New Beginnings

What a shocker, I'm not quite sure where to begin.  As usual, I will just jump right in as my mind never has a beginning and end...it is forever continuing in thoughts, contemplations, meditations, etc.

So now that I am about five months pregnant, I am feeling waves of emotions everyday.  I'm not wishing to change them or delete them.  I'm just fine sitting down with stamps, markers, and freshly bought cards for whatever my loved ones are experiencing.  I'm fine turning on worship or sitting in silence crying over whatever has me stirred up today.

In my quiet time this morning, God gave me such a fresh revelation.  Dustin and I are going through spiritual inventory these days.  In the midst of man's correction, religeons' politics, and the want for worldly riches, we have come to solitude with our first love.  Our life has gone from exciting dream conversations to moments on the couch of just holding each other in silence as we get through difficult moments and abrasions the world leaves us with.

Needless to say, we have literally let go of EVERYTHING we had - dreams, opportunities, friends, money, etc.  We are finding that in our laying down of these things, that Jesus is bringing back the things that were established on fertile soil within the context of love, not performance and works.

As I was meditating, praying, and reading a story of God's provision, God spoke to me.  As we search for direction, God showed me that His direction is more often than not just that....a direction.  I know I'm so guilty of looking for a specific step or specific promise that will coax me onto the right path.  I've prayed so often for direction, not at all realizing that I was unhappy unless he gave me specific promises and details of the journey.  I was corrected as I read the story of Jacob.  His father and heavenly Father had instructed him to marry a woman from his mother's bloodline.  This was his mandate.  So what did he do next?  He got direction.  The direction wasn't "go here, do this, and you have it."  His direction was "Go East."

Jacob obeyed in persuit of a wife and set off east.  He had no idea where the provision of God would lead him, but he knew his provision lied on the path that was in the right direction.  His provision required faith, obedience, and action....not years of waiting for God to drop a wife in his lap.  I'm encouraged that my provision is going to be found on a path, not in waiting.  There will be steps on my path that I won't be in possession of provision, but His grace will keep me.  I will work together with Jesus and my family to see His will unfold for us.

So God, send me north, south, east, or west....I'm working towards going in your direction instead of demanding your infinate knowledge of how my life will pan out.  You are sovereign and I trust you.

Psalms 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Where to Start?...

I have no specific place to start....I am reminded of this every time someone asks me about my passions, where pregnancy has brought me spiritually, etc.

Dustin and I have been brought out of and are still being brought out of our works/performance mentality.  My husband changes before my eyes.  I literally see the kiss of God upon his face.  His physical appearance has even been changing...crazy?...NO. It brings waves of refreshing to my spirit.  I am so blessed to be beside him on his journey of becoming who he is destined to be.  And, at this stage in my life, I am realizing and admitting that he is blessed as well to be on the journey of my life.  I've been getting real with myself and with most of the people around me.

I heard such an inspirational teaching from our One Voice pastor.  He pointed out that it's out of a legalistic point of view that we long to be desperate for our God.  When fathers are loving to their children, they aren't doing their job when the child gets desperate for their attention.  He is there the moment I reach out to Him....really, He is there ALL of the time.

I was singing a song today that I know the Holy Spirit dropped into my heart.  Some of the words are, "I am running, running after You..."  I thought to myself, "why don't I just stand still and receive Him unto me?  I understand that we all run a race, etc.  I then realized that in my legalistic tendancies, I love to find myself searching and aiming and striving.  I've found what I am searching for.....I'm not running to anything.  I am walking beside the One!...The One that every soul searches for, wherever they are in life.  I have Him right here.

I am finding so many things coming together in my life....prophesies, spoken words, things that I have felt in the spiritual, etc.  Part of my life coming together is that it's becoming a norm in my life to be uncertain of tomorrow.  The more I accept it, the more my life comes together.  I don't want my life to make perfect sense in my eyes....I know my Creator has far more than I could ever ask or think.  This is peace to me...knowing now that things truely are out of my hands and control.  (Jelaine, I think this answers the question you asked earlier alot better than my original answer! ha)

Pregnancy

Where do I begin?...I found out that I am pregnant with baby Kindle (when the docs confirm that it is indeed a girl).  I have gone through so much change since finding out.  I am currently 7 weeks although I think about 8 weeks.  My doctor and I are on two different wavelengths when it comes to dates...not that it really matters.

I had a good conversation with a close friend recently about why I feel this season has just crept up on me.  I don't know why I let it creep up on me.  God told me almost two years in advance.  He told me again two months in advance.  We conceived the first full month that we started to try.  When I say try I mean we just stopped preventing. 

Anyhoo, my conversation with my friend led me to believe what a blessing this is to me.  I mean, I know that expecting a baby is a blessing, but I never realized how broken of a spirit you become until you are expecting the first child. Golly, it can just be overwhelming.  I know that upon finding out I was pregnant, I have been broken and in expectation.  I always have control of my life...well, not anymore.  I'm growing more and more fond of life coming to me rather than me running ahead of it to try and control and manipulate it.

God has also shared with me that when I'm broken, my spirit demands the REAL peace...the REAL provision...and the REAL prescence of God.  It's easier to accept a substitute when the situation isn't critically important..you know what I mean?

I've gone from demanding a house and other provisions for my family to being content in my apartment with my tag-along car.  I know that this season has been ordained by God.  He told me the date, the name, and the gender before I ever conceived.  It has so far fallen into place perfectly with what He told me.

Currently, I'm a river of emotions..crying at small things.  I am a picky yet unpredictable eater.  I am a saltine cracker conisour.  I am a sleep-a-holic.  I am also an expectant mother...wow  When  you pile that on top of being a full time teacher and wife....it can be just a little overwhelming at times.

Lastly, I've seen God overcome the odds for me.  My doctor, the month before I got pregnant, said I would possibly have to have fertility drugs due to cysts on my ovaries.  In combination with my thyroid problems, he said it should at the least take a while.  Miscarriage also runs in my family.  My first appointment was a little of a shaker b/c my doctor said the baby was semi-small for how far along I was and that her heartbeat was a little low.  He did a blood test that day.  The next day, they called me and put me on hormones to prevent miscarriage.  He said that the medicine had to start that day and that it couldn't wait until the weekend was over.  I got this phone call while on a prayer journey through the city of Dallas with my spiritual warfare prayer team. 

Since then,  I have spoken life over my womb several times as I can sometimes even feel darkness try to enter in.  I've had prayer warriors pray over me.  After the prayers of others and my own determination to warfare over my womb, there is nothing but life and health over me.  I know this baby is going to be a warrior already.  There was a fight already to get this far.  It's funny how my maternal role is already being used as I war in the spirit for my own baby.  I have no fear....I am victorious. 

It's funny how repeating these events makes me realize the spiritual significance behind all of this.  Well, I hear in my soul that "Satan comes like a theif in the night."  He tries to remain subtle...he tries to remain concealed. I pray the light of God would penetrate all darkness as the enemy is exposed.  He has no place in my home....no place...period.

I expectantly look towards my future with hope and faith in hand.  I won't let go.....He won't let go.  Thank God.

NIKE

Okay, I tried posting this link and info from my facebook at least five different times on two different browsers, and it wouldn't work.  I'll let you make your own conclusions of why..?

I started researching NIKE because I heard it was a Greek goddess that is still worshiped today through an occult. 

I recently said a prayer of release from Freemasonry as it's ties or unbelievably demonic.  If the knowledge and power of warfare interests you, here is the site.  It also has MANY other valuable resources here.  My spiritual warfare teacher, Rebecca Greenwood, said if you are from the south, it would be a good idea to do this.  Prayer of Release site

Upon this prayer of release, it says that I will do away with things that represent demonic worship.  I started researching, and this is what I found.  If for no other reason, I thought it required exposure as I myself wish I had heard about all of this type of stuff much sooner.  I believe ignorance isn't bliss and we need to be aware of what doors we open as we clothe ourselves and live in the everyday world. 

I believe this is based mainly on personal convictions; therefore, it isn't my goal to persuade you but just to share resources that I believe are beneficial to know about.  The part of this site that drew me in is the connecction that NIKE desires for people to wrap their body in garments that offer up the swoosh (the shape of her wing) in order to summons her approval for victory.  I find it no coinsidence that Nike is a brand that represents sports and the persuit of victory.  The name NIKE actually means triumph or victory.

Notice on the document, that some words were actually released for NIKE corp.
The Truth behind Nike

New Orleans Saints

In risk of this whole post sounding very cheesy, I hope to convey the message that I feel has motivated me to take my place even more as a christian.

I was watching a documentary on Saints Football, and they were talking about all of the drastic measures that the leadership goes to to ensure success.  Drew Brees, the quarterback missed a game earlier on in his career due to injury.  The coach saw him on the practice field throwing balls for hours alone.  The coach then asked him, "Why are you out here throwing balls, now?"  Drew's response was to the effect that my body knows I would normally be playing right now, I refuse to let it break routine.  Wow, this inspires me. 

How many times have I skipped out on prayer and evangelism opportunities due to a slight illness or fatigue?.. I am not saying we should be works oriented and feel that we HAVE to do these things as a christian. I am just saying our love for God should be so deeply rooted, that there is an unstoppable, unlimited amount of intrinsic motivation to do these things.  I know I have not arrived here yet; however, I certainly see the importance of striving for it.. You may be asking, "How do I strive for it?"  I feel God saying, "Seek me and you will find Me.  Find Me and you will experience the love necessary to link you to your destiny."

I watch videos of how the team interacts, from the players to the head coach.  If you watch, you will quickly see what the coach says goes.  If the players don't like it, tough.  There is zero tolerance for any backtalk or resistance towards the coach from any player. Why?  It's the players job to be the player.  It's the coach's job to be the coach.  I wish we could get this in the church. 

In the video below, I can't help but notice that the coach carries authority!  It is his job to pay attention to the details and schemes of the oponant.  Secondly, collaboration is KEY.  He is constantly communicating with the other coaches, those who are strategically placed beside him in battle! Victory does not come without TEAMWORK. 

NO Saints Video - watch now

I could pull endless videos and show endless parallels to the saints of the church by the NO Saints. haha

The main thing that I wanted to share was that I think it is time to recognize we are called into battle.  We MUST HAVE A GAMEPLAN, FIGURE OUT WHO IS ON OUR TEAM, AND ESTABLISH THE GOAL.  In some ways, being a football player is no different than a warrior for God.  We are so ignorant to fight blindly and in ignorance.  I say we better get down to business....as God permits, draws us, and equips us.

We are even better than football players.  Our cheerleaders are angels, our win is eternal, and our coach is PERFECT in every way.  We are more than conquorers because when we get down to it, all we have to do is listen to God's gameplans and strategies, and the battle is already won! I can't imagine how many football players would give everything to follow a team setup like this.

Wisdom & Knowledge

Have you ever noticed that almost everywhere in the Bible where it speaks about wisdom, it also speaks of knowledge.  The phrase "wisdom and knowledge" appears in the Bible over 29 times.  This is great trivia, huh?

I've been on a quest for wisdom and knowledge as I have been super intrigued by the fact that the two words are paired together.  I've been at Blue Letter Bible, which is an amazing resource for great study of the Word.  I'm currently exploring every verse that has "wisdom and knowledge" within the verse.   I've stopped at Solomon as he explains in Ecclesiastes 1 that it has almost become a curse to him.

I've never even thought that wisdom and knowledge could be so heavy.  I've come to find that "the more we know, the more we see what there is to be known." Matthew Henry's Commentary also linked at Blue Letter Bible makes it so easy to view the commentary and Hebrew meanings of words.  He also states that "the more we know, the more we see of our own ignorance."  Solomon had found that although he was able to see through the surrounding problems, he could do NOTHING to change the sinful nature of men.  He found that no amount of wisdom and knowledge could change the temperament or turmoil of men unless they too found the heart of God through relationship.  Solomon communicates that as we perceive with greater clearness that our work does not end.   

"Those that increase knowledge have so much the more quick and sensible perception of the calamities of this world, and for one discovery they make that is pleasing, perhaps, they make ten that are displeasing, and so they increase sorrow. Let us not therefore be driven off from the pursuit of any useful knowledge, but put on patience to break through the sorrow of it; but let us despair of finding true happiness in this knowledge, and expect it only in the knowledge of God and the careful discharge of our duty to him. He that increases in heavenly wisdom, and in an experimental acquaintance with the principles, powers, and pleasures of the spiritual and divine life, increases joy, such as will shortly be consummated in everlasting joy."  There was no paraphrasing this!  I thought it was soo good.

So that's what I've been finding in the Word.  Life has been such an adventure, that I could not even begin to tell it on my blog.  I'm just embracing the challenges and blessings that lie ahead of me.

A Heavenly Inheritance

I've not only been inspired to study sonship vs. slavery, but I know that The Holy Spirit has moved me to learn about it.  I first heard of the specific topic from Bethany Nicole, an amazing woman who incedentally does great photography.  Since my conversation with Bethany, I have heard or seen this topic at least half a dozen times.  I went to Starbucks and a man studying the word shared with me what God was doing in him, sonship versus slavery.  He recommended a book called Birthright by John Sheasby.  I'm unsure of the credibility of the author, but it is at least worth mentioning as the little I have read about it seems right on target.

Just below is the scripture that contains all of what God has shown me so far in my study.  I know reading scripture isn't people's favorite thing to do, but it is in a nutshell, what makes this subject alive.

Galations 4:1-7 says, "Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father.  Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world.  But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.  And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out 'Abba, Father!' Therefore, you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ."

1 Corinthians 2:12 - Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, bu tthe Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.
Romans 8:32 - He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Here, I have all I need to know that I am called to act and resemble God as His child and to claim all of what is rightfully mine.  I know that if my earthly father said there was $100 on the ground in the backyard, I would run to grab it.  Therefore, I just can not see myself declining my spiritual inheritance from my Father, God.

Through these verses, I have the opportunity to receive a divine dispensation of grace, light, and liberty according to Matthew Henry's Commentary.

I have also learned that God's love is what makes sence of the law.  If you read the scriptures surrounding the ones listed above, you will see how Paul was making the church of the Old Testament, the church under the wrath of God and penalty of law, realize that their destiny was now under a new gospel.  I know that God came to give me life and life more abundantly, but when I put this in context, I can't help but see it like this....He has come to give me life (Old Testament style) and life more abundantly (freedom under the gospel).  Until Jesus was resurrected from the earth, we were all under the law, but with redemption, we are able to experience a greater freedom.

In Galations 4:6-7, it shows me how to activate myself into sonship.  I know I have asked myself several times how I could even go about applying this to everyday life.  Well, in these verses, it says that our sonship or inheritance is activated through prayer.  Verse 6 says clearly that because we are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into my heart that WILL CRY OUT, Abba Father!

I've also come to the realization, thanks to Mr. Henry again, that God's true children will resemble Him.  Therefore, I have drawn my own conclusion that the law should be a description of our life instead of the scripture being the governor of my life. When I take Beth's advice and look to the relationship from the Perfect Son to the Perfect Father, I see that Jesus was always united with His father and the Word was literally a bi-product of His life.

Conclusion : The Spirit of Adoption = A Spirit of Prayer
Those who have the nature of sons will have an inheritance of sons.
God is never silent about His sons! How loving of my Father to include the manuel on how to live as an heir.
The Word of God is a faithful witness!

I searched this out not as a hand-out from God, but out of a hunger to respond to God calling me in to be His son/daughter (however you want to see it).  I want to posses all of what was intended for me to posses from the Cross.

Goal: Do not leave any of my Father's estate in the backyard where it is of no use!  My Father paid a price, and I will be a good return on His investment.

~Whitney, if you read this, I know that God is drawing you in as well.  I'm believing with you for an inheritance incorruptable.  When this comes, I know everything else will follow.

Commit & Trust ... He Shall Bring it to Pass!

My heart today is in meditation of how dreams shall come to pass.  God has spoken in ways lately that I can hardly believe.  As I'm sitting here, I am relistening to the teaching of Rebecca Greenwood.  I have enrolled, as directed by God, in her class on spiritual warfare.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into! For real.  If God didn't tell me to enroll, I would have hit the ground running after the first meeting!

To say the least, it has changed my life.  If this topic interests you, check out her book, Authority to Tread.

It is an intercessors guide.  What she is teaching in the class is based on this book but also on other topics!  I know people that require their teams to read and study this book before going out into Satan's territory.

This past friday, I spoke on Beauty at the Titus 2 class through One Voice at our church.  I enjoyed it immensely and know the Lord showed up.  I attached my notes below if you would like to see them. :)

The message was better formatted, and isn't formatted as I would have liked.

Beauty


PRAY

Webster says that beauty pleasurably exalts the mind and spirit. If we come back to the meaning of beauty, we will notice that beauty affects inward senses…not outward. So today, I want to redirect my efforts into pursuit of a beauty that exalts the minds and spirit.



I was in Dillard’s with Melissa Perkins. We happened to come upon a manikin …or so I thought a manikin. You see, I assumed it was a manikin because it was standing where all of the manikins have stood in the past. This object was still and posed as though it were a real manikin. However, I couldn’t help but notice that this manikin looked a little different. I walked a little closer….closer…closer. I begin to become enthralled with figuring this out. I literally put my face two inches from the leg. I called out, “Boy Melissa, this manikin has a lot of meat on her!” I, for a brief second, consider looking up the dress of this object. Thank goodness, my attention was pulled elsewhere. Melissa and I begin to walk away browsing at clothes that we would never pay that much money for! Out of the corner of our eyes, we see it start to move and talk to people. Needless to say, I darted behind the nearest rack of clothing and began to laugh hysterically! I then realized all the crazy stuff I had done to this live person! Oh my.

 Well, the point of this story is that so often we want to step up and into a silhouette of what we would all love to believe is beauty. Wouldn’t it be so easy for beauty to be captured by makeup, hair, and clothing? That woman had stepped out of her own authenticity and stepped into a shallow object that displayed things of this world that so many have begun to believe is beauty. This sweet lady had begun to hide behind a display of clothes, jewelry, and makeup. I don’t know about you, but I can think of many times where I attempted the same to escape insecurities that my own appearance had shown.



I have had a revelation from God that it is time for us to define beauty in the world. I can almost see God looking down on so many of you passionate women that are still in waiting for a husband. I can see how lovely you are and how blessed a man of God will be to have you. But you know, the inward pull and search for beauty doesn’t end when that one special man finds you. If beauty isn’t an understood reality with your individual relationship with the Lord, then how could we expect a man to make us feel what we have not yet even found in God? As a married woman, I have recently learned the danger of expecting your husband to fulfill what should ultimately be a God-role.

So, let me share with you what the Lord has shown me about encompassing and exhibiting real beauty.



As I begun to ask the Lord to reveal to me what He would have me to say, He clearly brought me to the story of David in 2 Samuel 1. In 2 Samuel 1, we see the story of how David deals with the death of his enemy, Saul. We also see the picture of how he copes with the death of his best friend and the son of Saul, Jonathan.

 An Amalekite messenger comes to David at his camp to inform David that Saul and Jonathon have been killed. Let’s remember that David is Saul’s successor and Saul had, at one point, had even hired 3,000 men to kill David. David’s response was that he would not kill Saul, but he would let the Lord decide. So the messenger began to inform David of Saul and Jonathan’s death. Saul had been in battle and was speared by his own sword along with his son. However, his life was hanging in the balance. Biblical theologians believe that in the “inconvenience of his clothes; that his coat of mail which he had for defence, or his embroidered coat which he had for ornament, hindered him, that he could not get the spear far enough into his body, or so straitened him, now that his body swelled with anguish, that he could not expire. Let no man’s clothes be his pride, for it may so happen that they may be his burden and snare.”

 So the messenger was at the scene in close proximity to Saul. Saul then pleads with the Amalekite to finish killing him as his life was hanging in the balance. The Amalekite then finishes the death of Saul and esteemed himself in being the messenger to David. He then takes the crown and bracelet from Saul as proof to David. “The Amalekite produced that which was proof sufficient of the death of Saul, the crown that was upon his head and the bracelet that was on his arm. It should seem Saul was so foolishly fond of these as to wear them in the field of battle, which made him a fair mark for the archers, by distinguishing him from those about him; but as pride (we say) feels no cold, so it fears no danger, from that which gratifies it. These fell into the hands of this Amalekite. Saul spared the best of their spoil, and now the best of his came to one of that devoted nation”

David then mourns and demands everyone around him to pay respect in mourning for the lives of Saul and Jonathan. “David showed ultimate beauty in honoring Saul’s death with lament and fasting. He also proved that his own life was in pursuit of hiding the fault’s at who once was his very enemy, Saul. David takes Saul’s death personal and bears no bitterness. David celebrated that which was praiseworthy of Saul and as Saul’s body became one with the earth again, so did his reflections upon the personal injuries Saul had inflicted upon him.

David realized that Saul’s life was victorious in the protection of Israel and understood that Saul’s fall was not to degrade the successes of his life.”

 Jonathan was very dear to David’s heart, although his enemy was Jonathan’s father. 1 Samuel 18:1 says, “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” David, in the process of mourning, wrote a song about what had taken place, ordering all of the people to know it and have their children know it. Here is where beauty arrives on the scene. “The beauty of Israel is slain on your high places! How the mighty have fallen!

o The word beauty in the Hebrew means glory or honor. What a statement to bestow the entire nation of Israel’s honor and glory to befall on Saul and Jonathon, although Matthew Henry’s commentary states that David is specifically talking about Jonathon through the statement. I can’t help but notice that the beauty David is describing is of how his relationship and association with Jonathon was one that elevated the mind and spirit.



As God has revealed this story of beauty to me, He has also directed me to Matthew 6:25-33.

 V. 29 - What God is saying is that there is nothing that anyone can do to clothe themselves in what compares to what the Lord will add unto us when we simply exist and live as ourselves, who He created us to be. Notice that when David wrote the song about Jonathon, calling him the beauty of Israel, the true meaning from the word beauty was glory or honor. Therefore, even Soloman in all his beauty was not arrayed like one of the flowers of the fields.

 V. 32 – All these things meaning all of the attributes just describe as what you will be clothed with…beauty.



Beauty for Ashes – “Let us now, like Cinderella, sit down among the cinders(of our old perception of beauty) for awhile in order that we may come forth from the ashes with something better than glass slippers, adorned with a beauty which shall befit the king’s courts! The fairy fable which has often made our childhood smile shall now be actually realized in our own souls—yes, we shall see how far the Truth of God outshines romance! How much grander are the facts of God than the fictions of men!” -Spurgeon

Something is Better than Nothing

I was just telling someone the other day how theraputic it is for me to blog.  It helps me put chase down so many conflicting thoughts and organize them into the proper categories such as: important thoughts, unimportant thoughts, prayer issues, personal issues, and so on...  Since the last time I blogged, I think I really have become a different person.  I'd like to give credit to myself in being moldable; however, today's trials and blessings will either mold me or break me.  I also told someone the other day that was struggling that the only thing that will remain the same in this world is the fact that things will always change.

Since my last blog, I have become more submissive to my husband and a better listener.  I had earnestly prayed and prayed to become a woman of grace and meekness.  I want to be a soft place for hurt people to land and to re-equip themselves.  I'm definately not "arrived" in this category, but I am glad that God is molding me in this area.

I've had prophesy after prophesy about my future.  It is an eary feeling to have a call of ministry on your life when it seems somewhat seperate from your husband's calling.  I know that at some point in my life, I see a platform. Apparently, God sees it ,too.  I know that I did not have this dream on my own.  A long time ago, before I knew prophesy was supposed to exist in the church, I heard God tell me as I was praying for the "our" ministry (me as the wife on the pew and Dustin as the preacher).  Anywhoo, I heard God ask me, "Jenna, what if I give you the microphone?"  I quickly put that thought to the side convincing myself that God was just trying to convince me not to limit my own abilities in God, so I tucked it nice and neat in a corner of my heart.  Well, God has DEFINATELY brought it back up through my own connection with Him as well as through prophesy and open opportunities. 

Let me get something straight, though.  Dustin's ministry is FIRST.  I would never do anything to jeopardize his ministry or to limit my ability to be there for him.  It would devestate me to be a hindrance to him.  When I said my vows, I knew that wherever Dustin would lead is where I would go.  If Dustin told me to pack up and move away from a ministry that I was involved in, I would go.  However, I have such a strong confidence that my husband's connection to the Lord is real and authentic.  He has NEVER made a decision that was not from God directly.  I am so proud that he has never depended on a man's input into where he leads his family.  He has a direct connection, and I am so thankful.  It is also wonderful that God has added a mentor into his life.  I'm so grateful in every way that it is the right person at the right time and in the right order.  

*Wow, this blog is getting long, and I feel like I have just begun to share what is going on in my life.*

There has been unexpected fear as I have felt a push of promotion from God.  I guess when my flesh senses God's movement, I begin to subconciously ask God if He is sure He knows what He is doing.  What a silly question, right?  I just have to trust that He will always make up the difference!  As Kari Jobe says, "I know that You are for Me, I know that You are for me....I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness."

Last week (or so),  Dustin and I helped with Collision, a youth camp that our fantastic youth pastors host annually.  God moved so strong that my body could not contain it.  My good friend described it best as "an open heaven".  That's another thing that has happened recently,  I have met one of the people that I will probably love till I die.  I say that because my heart has connected itself to her...and God telling me I should open up to her is a pretty good indication. ha  You know it is true friendship or sisterhood when you really just love that person unconditionally.  I also have another relationship like that, but I'll stay more surface.

Yah, back to Collision.  I was on the prayer team and God used me!  What an honor.  It was none of me and ALL of Him.  I say that with complete sincerity.  I saw two girls seeking the Lord get slammed with the power of God as I released a word over them.  I so learned the power of surrender!  Now, I must learn how to do what our evangelist knows how to do soooooo well.....WALK in surrender everywhere I go.  He is the master at it!

Well, I need to type out the word God has given me for a group of girls, including myself, for Friday night.  Hopefully, my friend Melissa will drop by soon.

Thanks for sharing this with me...really.

Undeveloiped Photos

Over the past weekend, Sam Hinn has ministered to our church for two services.  He said something that will forever be engrained in my mind.  Sewn seeds are like undeveloped photos of our future.  I thought that was soo good.  He ministered in so many different ways, that I'm sure I'll continue to reap from those services.

I also felt a connection with a woman in the church that I greatly admire.  Regardless of what comes of it, I'm grateful that it has happened.  There is nothing like the feeling of your promised future becoming a reality....nothing.

As I type, my husband is on his way home from Louisiana.  He went there because he scheduled an evangelistic outreach at a local youth group.  I am so proud of him!  I haven't seen him since Tuesday, so I'm super ready for him to come home.

Over the past month or so, God has brought me out of a season of isolation.  I now have people around me that I know God wants me to let into my heart.  It was scary and difficult to say the least, and I still haven't completely conquered the ability to not guard myself in an unhealthy way.  I'm working on it, though.  I was told through prophesy that I have to stop letting people love me through a straw.  That straw represents the only way I will accept love.  I have to abandon that way of thinking and allow people to love me just how they love me instead of me only seeing myself loved if they do it my way on my terms.  I have been finding so much fulfillment from this.

A bible verse that has encouraged me greatly recently says that, "Blessed are the righteous that are persecuted, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I looked up persecuted in the Hebrew and it says that persecution means to be put away or mistreated.  How much more does this verse cover in our lives when we discover that meaning.  God is my vindicator, and I am finally finding the strength to let go of situations.

I hope this blog doesn't sound negative, but I've been in a pruning stage...not because I serve a God that is harsh and requires sacrifice, but because I have seen my Father high and lifted up.  I have fell in love with Him and there are things I GET to change to become more of His image.  It is so wonderful that love inspires change.  I serve a king!

Jesus' Crayons

I was thinking today about how I demand that my students make good use of the crayons that I have for them.  It always seems, without fail, that one student out of my current sight will let one roll off their desk.  Of course, someone's foot then manages to smash it and break it into uselessness.  My student asked me right before school let out for summer if she could use a fresh box.  I told her that she must take care of them and make sure nothing happens to them.  She assured me that they would be in great condition upon their return.

The first similarity where I could relate to stewardship is that I only let her use the fresh crayons when I knew that it was an important project she was working on.  Consequently, I would have also let her use them if it was just important to her...not just relatively important.  The second similarity is that those crayons represented my resource as the teacher.  However close I manged them may seem silly; however, I do understand that countless other students benefit or suffer from one student's use.  I love how this reminded me that when God blesses me financially, that I need to make sure that it (for the most part) is used to benefit others.  Lastly,  I have tucked away the bigger box of crayons in my desk drawer.  Do you think I would ever let one of my wild and crazy coloring kids have them?...No sir!  I would love to bless a student with many more colors and choices if I know they will be used as intended.

I learned from these simple crayolas that stewardship is about alot more than meets the eye, especially when it comes to finances.  Some may say I analyze and take things just too far....I prefer to find meaning wherever and whenever I can.  On a lighter note, I have been learning to completely let go of my thoughts.  I have never known such freedom as I have known it lately.

I've been working 9-2 and it has been heaven!  We are moving at the end of the month, so my drive to work will be MUCH less.  I plan on decorating it more than I have the one we are in currently.  My ten dollar couch has truely inspired me.

My friend Melissa has just recently launched her photography website.  It is truely magnificent.  She has natural talent.. She especially loves taking pictures of infants.  She is an annointed mother although she has no kids of her own just yet.  I could go on and on about how my heart leaps at the upcoming success for her, but I'll just give you the site.  If your one of my Texas friends or a friend from home (LA), you are definately within her range.

http://www.melissaperkinsphotography.com/

My Heart, Your Home

I've been  experiencing such a hunger for the Word that I have never experienced in my spiritual walk.  Reading and studying my Word has often seemed more like a chore than anything else.  I honestly think the prayers from my "mentor" have really made the difference.  There is no other way that I can explain it.  Regardless of what it is, I'm so grateful because I am learning so much.

Anywho, there is a song/artist that I love! Watermark is what they are called. They are a husband/wife team; however, they haven't put out any new music in years.  I still download their music.  I have never been a big music person, but I adore piano type worship that it deeply heartfelt and thoughtful.  This one song in particular has captured my attention!  "My Heart, Your Home" has become my mantra. 

My Heart, Your Home
Come and make my heart Your home

Come and be everything I am and all I know

Search me through and through

‘Till my heart becomes a home for You



CHORUS



A home for You, Lord

A home for You, Lord

Let everything I do open up

A door for You to come through

And that my heart would be a place

Where You want to be…


CHORUS



You are my portion, filling up everything

You are the fortune, that’s causing my heart to sing

That it’s amazing…

That You could make Yourself at home with me

 
I started thinking about what it means to have a home.  Afterall, if I want God to be at home in my heart...I think I should think about what a home is to the one living inside of it.....So I made a list.
Home:
-Something you must have a key to get into
-I trust my belongings there
-There is a place of relationships, entertainment, nourishment.
-It must be cleaned up, prepared, and updated
-Nothing should be scattered...everything should have its own place
-I have free reign of my home
 
I really do want my heart to be His home.  I give Him access, room for His belongings, a neat space just for Him, and I give Him free reign.
 

Hold Me Down

Wow, what can I say?....It has been soo long since I have blogged.  I honestly work so much that it is very hard to make time for this little stuff that I enjoy so much.  I have a note page in my iphone that has lists of blog titles.  I think of little sermonettes or testimonettes (ha) all of the time.  Sometimes, I get the urge to just take a pastor's microphone and start talking. I know that it will all come as God wills.  I never feel preachy, I just feel like I have so many words just bottled up.  Blogging gives me a great outlet, so I appreciate you taking the time to read and/or ponder what I have to say.

The most urgent message on my heart deals with a sermon that I heard today.  Lately, I have been honestly experiencing doubt. It seems that I would rather doubt God's existance than realize I must accept the fact that EVERYTHING is really in God's hands should I make ministry and God my life.  God has really put me in a season of Apologetics personally.  God is making sure I know what I believe and why.

I was sitting in the sauna today, and it hit me to just talk out all of my doubts with God.  I told Him how I know that He exists and I thanked Him for every time He has proved Himself real!  I began to tell Him how I felt, and I felt such a release.  I found no condemnation....just unconditional LOVE.  This is exactly what reassured me of His existance.  When you are feeling so dirty and filthy, God clothes you the moment you lay yourself fully and exposed at His feet.

Today, the preacher on the radio was telling a story of how he had jumped into a pool but had scraped his chin badly on the side.  He explained that when he was a kid, stitched weren't as advanced as they are now.  They were painful, yet necessary.  He went on to say that just before the doctor was about to stitch him up, the doctor instructed his father to hold down his arms.  The father did not hesitate before holding down his arms.  This is the perfect example of God's love.  Sometimes, He has to hold you down in order to make you better.  This may have hit home with me because I had such an earthly father; however, I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father is this way as well!  The sermon was very good!  He also explained that God does things for us not to us!  He will also do what's best for us and not necessarily what is good to us.

As Kari Jobe clearly explains my current state: "I know that You are for me, I know You'll never forsake me in my weakness!"

I think I was finding a way out of my own fear that serving God would mean something like unexpected persecution or something terrible.  When I finally surrendered that to God unashamedly, He accepted it and replaced a spirit of fear with a spirit of confidence.  I may not know what tomorrow holds in my life, but I have found a love greater than life! 

Extra titles I could have blogged:
-Let Your Lillypad become Your Platform - The bible talks about how God spreads out the ground beneath our steps.  Sometimes, we have to step out onto shakyness, but God makes it wide and firm as our foot comes down.  I felt the Holy Spirit confirm to me that this is stepping out in faith, and that this will be the platform to which the world will hear of His goodness.
-What if God gave His 10% - I'm so thankful that God gives way more than His 10%.  This revealed to me that He does ask for 10% of our income....that is not to say that we are dismissed from giving our all spiritually, physically, and emotionally to Him.  We do this out of love for Him, not out of duty. 

HEADLINE PICTURE

I uploaded picture I took of the bible I was using three years before I met Dustin.  I wrote this at a youth camp.  God sure enough gave me my evangelist husband.  I realize more and more everyday to the extent that he is an evangelist.  He blows my mind, and it is an honor for me to be his wife.  I realize more everyday that I need to remember God has given me him for this life and I am RESPONSIBLE for how I am a steward over his wonderful son!  I aim to be pleasing to God in this area.  I still have ALOT of growing room; nevertheless, I am a work in PROGRESS.

Thanks for reading....my recent blog is below.

Tune In

Okay, I know it's been a while, but I have been either busy or tired. Also, I am going to fix my headline picture just as soon as I get the time and energy to figure out how to make it work. 

Anyhoo, this morning I was scanning the radio stations in my car while on my way to tutor some great fifth graders for the upcoming Science TAKS test.  I have been scanning the stations lately, because I have been curious about the availability of good talk shows or christian radio programs.  The Holy Ghost then just hit me with a simple yet profound truth about our connection with God. 

I have been thinking lately about fruit.  I mean, I have seen some people with some pretty crazy perspectives and beliefs about issues that I would naturally think are make it or break it religeous issues, such as predestination, vanity, secularism, etc.  I am not speaking against those things as I believe it really is for YOU to decide through personal revelation for yourself; however, I began thinking of all the cooky people that I have known that for some reason have been used GREATLY to minister to people.  I then just reminded myself to not dull down my persuit of holiness and God just because I have been able to see visible and spiritual fruit as a result of my hard work. I thought I would just put this out there, because I thought it was at least food for thought.

Back to the radio, the Holy Spirit showed me that many times our usefulness to the kingdom is directly related to our connection with the ultimate source (tower).  As I was scanning through the stations, almost all of them had the same volume, but some were very unclear!  It reminded me of some people I have come across that produce such loud sound, but have no clarity or true message coming from their efforts.  A few particular people come to mind, but I'll refrain from mentioning them. ha  I also heard stations that were mixed such as a hispanic station mixing in with some type of music.  This made me think of Christians that are playing both sides of the fence.  I know SOOO MANY PEOPLE that think that they are heaven bound when they are earthly minded.  I just want to yell, "STOP WASTING YOUR TIME!!"  There was also a few stations that were just plain ugly. Of course, this one wasn't hard, this represented the people that are clearly in the world; however, I found a refreshing in this.  It was refreshing to me because it was instantly obvious that this station wasn't for me.  When the mixed stations came on, I had to put my filter up and distinguish what was really coming through.  This is definately where the church has gone wrong....new Christians are overwhelmed by "playing the fence christians" that it is hard to find truth, that is why we must depend on the Word. There were some that just were LOUD static.  I feel that the Holy Spirit revealed to me that this is the sound coming forth to God when people are depressed or leaning on their own understanding to make sense of the world.  Lastly, there were the christian stations that came in loud and clear...THANK GOD FOR THOSE.  They were clear and connected! 

Oh, how I want to be a station that God LOVES tuning into when He is needed a refreshing from people that love Him.  When He has a long day (pardon the metaphor), I want Him to sit back and know exactly what station to turn to.....MINE.  I want Him to have my station line on one of the memory buttons!  I want to be such a sweet sound to Him.  I believe that the totality of our life is the message coming through.. Does it make a sweet noise to the Savior or a distorted noise? 

Lastly, I have had a burden for our nation lately, due to a dream that I had.  Through Daughter's of Grace girls group, I have embraced and uncovered the significance of my dreams.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mean looking for anything in a dream to mean something spiritual...I mean asking God to take over my slumber in any way He wants...and then if He gives me a VIVID dream, to ask for an interpretation...and little by little, if it was God, I'll begin to see the meaning and what I should do about it.

Journaling

There was a time when I constantly felt left out of what God was doing in mine and Dustin's life.  He spends soo much time with God and godly people, that I began to fear that I would wake up one day, and Dustin would lead us in a direction that I had no idea was coming.  I felt disconnected and discouraged. I felt the Holy Spirit guide me to buy a journal that both of us write in when God speaks to us.  Since then, I have felt soooo much more connected.  What I'm about to write about comes from this journal. :)

Lately, I've been feeling disgust with religion.  I've been hesitant to share things like this, because I remember when I was a young christian, talk like this was soo yucky to me.  I just didn't understand.  I'm sure there are several things and demensions that I do not still understand.  I have such a distate with religion.  I'm so tired of feeling such a responsibility to evangelize, but such little understanding and faith to do it.  My personal prayer is to have God's power and voice be a part of me....not something that I just try to sell to people out of obligation.

God showed me that when you are righteous for the right reason, you will enter the relm of healings, miracles, and deliverance that is reserved for those SERIOUS about God.   We are to release healings, not demand it.  If you love Him, you will take care of His sheep. 

Part of what my husband shared in the journal, is that he feels God calling him to mobilize the youth to evangelism.   Well, not quite sure yet how I feel about this, but you know what, it doesn't matter! I do not live by feelings.  I've been finding that so many things I am subconciously demanding from God is what He is asking from me.  There is a hold up spiritually, and it is my fault.  I wanted more of God, but He wants more of me. I wanted to hear His voice more, He wants to hear mine more!  He wins!......my victory comes through my responding to what He has already done for me.  Everything is waiting for ME to tap into!  I know He wants me to have it more than I want it for myself.

HOV

There is so much to tell you!  So many changes and events have taken place, but I'll try to catch up as best as I can.  I had a revalation today about the future of our nation.  God showed me that in our nation, we are in rush hour and everyone is desperate to get home to the end of their day.  However, there is terrible traffic.  Everyone's vehicle symbolized their current capacity in God to bring others home with them.  Home represented heaven.

There were so many people so frantic to reach the end of the worldly turmoil.  Some people were driving vans - some empty, some filled to capacity.  Others had the new gas efficient vehicles that held a maximum of two people.  (So many people are going to worldly efficiency only to wind up useless for the kingdom.) 

The problem was that God had opened the HOV lane just for the higher occupancy vehicles.  After all, our mission as christians is to win souls for the kingdom.  Everyone was overusing and abusing the lane; therefore, the lane's purpose was completely void.  The Holy Spirit then revealed to me that God is releasing His authority and will begin to fine and reprimand the fakers.  What's sad is that there were so many vehicles that were able to hold countless people, but there were very few vehicles filled to capacity.  For every seat, there is a designated soul; however, most were empty. 

I fill that the regular lanes represented to widened path that leads to destruction although it currently looked as though it were heading in the right direction.  It's funny how just one law to win souls or perhaps to put God on the throne and not ourselves can make the two seperate pathways divide drastically.  The HOV lane represented the narrow path.  I pray we all get a hold of this!

Lastly,  life has been progressing greatly!  God is definately in the midst of our  journey towards full time ministry.  Although, we both still have a great deal of learning and training to attend, God's promotion is already beginning.  Dustin and I both have prayed for people in the last week that were filled with the baptism of the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues for the first time.  I have been filled with prophetic words, and Dustin literally has the fire of God in his hands! I'm not talking about crazy human filled emotion, I am talking about a real God that is showing up BIG time.  Our finances are beginning to look slightly up.  I am so ready for our future.  I have so many things to be grateful for.  I have reached a new level of personal security that I will continue to climb.  I have relationships that are fruitful. 

I KNOW THAT EVERY OUNCE IS GOD!  I lift him higher above every other name and take no credit for myself! I give Him all the credit!  Our walk and struggles, I'm sure, are far from finished, but I know that we have faced a great deal of obstacles and I am choosing to live through the victory, however big it may be.  By golly, I lived through the struggles so I am definately going to soak up the victory while it lasts! PRAISE GOD.

Oh, I want to say how joyful my heart is at the many people in and around HSM.  I see nothing but uphill climbs and gigantic futures.  I know that I'm smack dab in the middle of history making!  I absolutely love everyone around me.  I am also proud to say that HSM is so on fire for God that fakers quickly get identified and exposed.  I'm so glad that our "God-filters" are ON.

Hannah

"Those that are of a fretful spirit, and are apt to lay provocations too much to heart, are enemies to themselves, and strip themselves very much of the comforts both of life and godliness."

The above statement came from the commentary that I was reading on the story of Hannah.  Hannah had double favor because of her current bareness.  She had the sincere love of her master in both private and public, yet she could not let go of her infirmity.  Without her inability to have children, she would have never experienced the divine favor that she had gained.  However, she still remained ill at heart. 

I know I have been guilty of this so many times.  I have so many things that are going for me.  God ALWAYS gives me double for my trouble; however, I still seem to wallow in the negative that was used to bring forth supernatural giftings.  How is it that God has allowed me to want to remain focused on what I don't have?...especially when it is the very reason for all of the supernatural favor that I do have. WOW This is such a revelation to me.

God, I pray true and unabated deliverence from this.  I know it will take You to do it.  I lay it down, so I am trusting that you burn it as an offering unto You.  I don't want to be an enemy to myself any longer.  I want to inhabit the praises that will rise to call you Blessed.  I thank You for exactly what I do have and will think of this when I see "In EVERYTHING give thanks to God."

Enough Said...

I have definately been going through a season that feels like I'm being tried and pressed in everything that I do.  I know it is a season to be taught, because everything in my life is great.  I have a great marriage and a job that I LOVE.  We have been tested in so many ways, that sometimes I just feel like I have nothing to offer because my sight to God is blinded by all of these minute problems. 

I read Genesis 33, and it inspired me!  It says, "Take, I pray thee, my gift that is brought to thee; because God hath dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough. And he urged him, and he took it."  I know this particular verse doesn't have much to do with my current season, but it makes me understand that God's favor is NOT dependant on my excess, but rather on the favor that I have in His sight.  So many times I have been guilty of thinking that blessing people will come when I experience excess.  God is showed me here that we ought to give when we are in ENOUGH not EXCESS.  Why?  Because He has dealt gracisously with us!  In Hebrew, enough meant ALL and gracisously meant FAVOR.  Therefore, because God favors me, I will bless others because I have all!

Thank You, Jesus, for this revelation of what giving means.  I have always been a giver, but this redefines what it means to me.  Lately, I have realized what a lonely place giving can be.  A true giver has no true return except that which is stored in heaven.  I am so glad that I am storing up my treasures in heaven.  Why or why do I get discouraged at not seeing rewards here on earth.  I want them in heaven....so shame on me for not knowing that!

Although I am still feeling such a pressing, I am choosing to be as imPRESSionable as possible, lest this season be wasted.  If I'm here, I WILL come out knowing something I never have in a real and unmistakable way.  No matter the weapon, I will overcome it.  The following story and song is my current battle cry!..

Desert Song

Changes

God has picked me up from almost everything that I know as comfort and familiarity and has put me in a new location.  As He takes the blindfold from my eyes, I am discovering what His will is for my future.  There are so many possibilities that lay before me that it almost overwhelms me.  I see fields of sheep that need tending and tons of beauty to behold; however, my feet remain planted where I stand.

Before I am able to pertake of this new place, there are some major changes that I need to make. God won't let me move forward in a shell that isn't pleasing to Him nor myself for that matter.  I need to change my outward vessel into something that I feel comfortable living in.  It's like trying to workout in a sunday dress with panty hose and dress shoes.  I need to cultivate my inner beauty so that the beauty of others is no longer a threat.  I need to know who I am so that others will only be able to influence me for the better as I choose to do so.  I need to govern myself so that if one part of this field I see is of governship, I will be ready.  I need to love myself so that my face will not blend into the crowd.  If God is love, then if I don't love myself I am squeezing God out instead of clearing out weeds to make room for Him.

I so long to wander in this field and behold all of its possibilities.  It is a field that I don't think that I will want to leave.  Greener grass doesn't exist beyond it, and fullfillment is waiting for me there. 

I am on the way to this change with the grace and power of God. :)

CHANGE

I am normally one of those people that are deeply opposed to change.  I always feel so unstable and all of my routines are thrown up into the air.  There have been seasons of change that only happened in my life because I knew God was leading me.  Moving away to Master's Commission and moving here were two of the greatest challenges of my life. 

To my suprise, this current change that I am facing is an uprooting of who I am rather than an uprooting of where I am.  I am embracing this next change although it means there is a new season of finding out who I am as a woman and wife.  I am learning who I am as a woman and an evangelist's wife.  I am more importantly in search of who I am as a daughter of Christ.  I find myself finding self-fulfillment with new things that were never in my life previously.  I have a new relationship with a woman of God that is helping me to go down with my roots instead of just going out. I find myself entertaining new ideas such as motherhood and investments in self rather than always investing in everyone else.

I am beginning to cultivate my own beauty.  At first, I was hesistant as God began showing me what He wants to do in me for the next season.  I then realized that investing my time to create a better me will greatly enhance the fewer relationships that come my way.  In my old state of mind, it was all about helping everyone the best I could, today, I strive to help myself so that during the times when I am with other women/girls, the fruit will be much greater.

I thank God today for change and am encouraged that change doesn't always mean something bad.  Change sometimes means that you are selling yourself short and God loves us too much to let us put ourselves on the backburner.

I hope in some way this will encourage you to cultivate your own beauty.

On Edge...

There has been an overwhelming time of testing that has come so abruptly!  It totally caught us off guard.  It has been wearing on us now for the past few weeks especially.  We know that it is the devil, but it is very difficult to not let it effect our daily lives.  I feel at times so grateful that my biggest trouble is finances and not cancer or terminal illness.  I try sooo hard to stay positive throughout every stage of our life.

Lately, the pressures have buried us without us really even knowing it.  I guess you find out how weighed down you are when you try to do something that requires your normal amount of strength and energy.  Dustin and I have both been on edge, but I know it is going to get better.

I was in my car talking to my daddy.  If you don't already know, I am a daddy's girl all the way!  I love my mother dearly, but we are just too much alike sometimes!  My dad assured me that he would never let anything too terrible happen to me without him coming to my aide.  I'm soooo thankful that I have such a solid support system.  Without the right parental foundation in my life, who knows where I would be.  I have over the years adapted for myself my mothers HUGE heart, my daddy's know how and common sense, my mom's unwavering morals, and my dad's analytical yet incredibly deep mind.  They have shown through example a successful marriage along with countless other things.  As an adult now, I am super impressed at how they enabled me to spread my wings yet keep me under their protection! Thanks, mom and dad.

Anyhow, I was in my car talking to dad.  The moment I hung up, I immediately started speaking in tongues which gave me chills up and down my entire body.  I then started singing a song that I haven't heard in years. The words went, "I love You, I need You....though my world may fail, I'll never let You go. You've taken me from the mirey clay, set my feet upon a rock, now I know."  I love when the Holy Spirit gives me a song. 

I remember getting a song when I knew God told me to go to Master's Commission.  At that point, I was fighting the call.  As soon as I asked God why I should do this, He replied through a song that came out of my mouth. "That's why we praise Him, that's why we sing. That's why we offer Him our everything - cause He gave HIS everything......cause He gave his everything."  That was a milemarker in my life.

Through this I think I've learned to realize that I am super sensitive when I'm carrying a burden that I am not supposed to have.  It shouldn't be on my shoulders.  God will never let anything happen to us that we can not handle.  A prophet declared that we would face much warfare! I will gladly take this in exchange for God's promotion.  I've also internalized that when you are treated ugly by others, it really is a reflection of what is going on on the inside of them. 

Something is Coming

I tell ya, something is coming my direction in the form of nothing short of a miracle.  I am writing this post to serve as a reminder that God is in control.  I am sure that sometime in the distant future, this blog post will find me.  It will serve as a testimony and a faith booster, because I refuse to be subject to this world.

God has been revealing to me lately how many times in my life I have not given God the credit for answered prayers and miracles.  We are all so quick to blame God for what isn't done, but we only give him one glimpse of fame (if that) when He does something!  Somehow, we get under the impression that it would have happened regardless.  I know in my heart that if God got more of the credit He is worthy of instead of criticism for what wasn't of God in the first place, we would be much more likely to witness answered prayers more consistantly.

I think back to a specific instance when God did something major, and I failed to give Him the credit.  When I was at youth camp, God told me very clearly that I was called to be an evangelist.  He also told me that I was called to lead people into the manifest prescence of God.  At the time, I had no idea what true evangelism consisted of as well as no indication what manifest truely meant.  I look at my life now as I am married to an evangelist in the making, and I am nothing short of shame as I have not given God the credit.

God didn't have to even share that information with me.  He loves me soooo much.  Yet, I find myself doubtful when my finances look rather......well, dry!  During these times of testing, I am going to focus on the things that God HAS done!  Just the other day, an offering was taken up for a great evangelist visiting the church.  They passed around the offering bags, and I honestly had nothing to put into it.  Dustin leaned over to me to assure me that it would be okay.  I told him, "No! God will multiply this dollar."  I held on to it until the bag came to me.  Just before I put my money in the bag, Dustin pulled a few more dollars out of his wallet.  I'm sure he pulled it out in response to my statement, but regardless, Dustin added to my dollar and I saw God multiply that single dollar right before my eyes.  My eyes and heart were lit with excitement.  I live for this stuff.

Instead of embracing doubt, I'm going to embrace the multiplier of my dollars.  He has it soo in control.  I know I am always safer and more secure than I can imagine.  I am in God's hands!  I declare that finances will come, debt will diminish, and my finances will be as of the Lord's bank account.  It will be used for His sake and for a testiment of God's faithfullness.  I will not back down!....An Enemy has Done This!  Go to heartlandfamily.com and watch the sermon entitled "An Enemy has Done This."  It is super relevant to this post. 

Quality vs. Quantity

I have entered a new season in my life.  I have always loved being a servant, and I don't say that in a boastful way.  Thoughtfulness has always come easy to me and people have always just been in my path that needed help.  However, I have felt a shift.  The people in my path now are no longer being helped, and I feel that I am just amiss.  I always want to help people, but I have heard God speak to me about this recently.

It is time to stop spreading myself out.  It is time to develop those relationships and ventures in my life that are worth investing my time.  Not everyone that comes in my path is going to be at the top of my priorities any longer.  I am beginning a journey of finding myself.  I have done well so far! I am dressing nicer, taking extra time to put on jewelry and lipstick, and wearing lady clothes!  I feel sooo much better, and I am realizing that I am VALUABLE!  I am worth protecting and not spreading my pearls to swine!  This is such a beautiful revalation to me to be able to grasp this concept.

Oh, and I finally found a mentor! My mentor is the HOLY SPIRIT!

Bottled Up

I recently got a new laptop for work.  I have been wanting one for a very long time.  I now hope to be blogging much more due to the availability of a comfortable position while on the computer.  I LOVE writing, so many times I suspect my blogs will be just for my release that I get when I just write what's going on in my life down, whether it be on paper privately or published publically. 

Life is wonderful.  However, I feel like so many things are just bottled up inside of me.  Dustin has pushed into heaven through his persuit of God.  Heartland School of Ministry has catapolted him from a man with Godly desires to a man with Godly power.  I have seen such a change, and I know that as he continues to reach heaven, I am being uplifted.  I have felt a connection to him as I never have before just through him persuing God and him being the head of my household.  I have seen him go through multiple stages since being here, and I can't believe the progress he has made in the Lord.

I had a vision of us and the people around us trying to reach heaven.  I saw a dark sky that was blanketed.  I also saw that every prayer that was being prayed was rising to the sky as arrows.  I saw the prayers that were lofty going up and coming right back down.  I saw some going up and just getting stuck in the blanket.  I believe this represented the seasons in our life up till this moment.  I then began to see more and more people around us that were shooting their arrows and petitions towards heaven. I believe that since we have moved here, we have been positioned with so many more people with a common purpose.  There is nothing that compares to my home church, but there is something about God positioning you with different people at different seasons in your life. As nothing began to penetrate the heavens, I looked around and saw the multitude of people begin to converse and combine strengths in order to penetrate heaven.  The people began to realize that the strength of multiple people would be the only things that would work.  After working together, they began to release their arrows, but they just got stuck in the blanket as well, but they went a little farther. I believe this has been the most recent season, where God has separated the wheat from the chaff.  Lastly, the people began to realize that it wasn't just multiplied strength it was people with like arrows and passion and righteousness that must huddle together to release arrows.  When they huddled and began to pray, I saw an arrow penetrate the blanket.  I believe this is now....HALLELUJAH.

When the arrow when through, I saw more and more continue to puncture the blanket.  I then saw that this was the key to revival in that there was a river resting on top of the blanket.  The fewer arrows that penetrated, the more concentrated and strong was the river that came out of the hole in the blanket.  This was the reason that the positioning of the right people were so vital to the original aims of shooting the arrows.  When the blanket is penetrated, God will have the right people right under the waterfall!  The river was God's refreshing!  When we get together and really touch heaven, we will reach a place that hasn't been touched.  I know God's river is there waiting to be set free and to be released from it's current boundaries.  It's not up to God to release it, it's up to us!

Lastly, I have been praying for some people in my life that I admire greatly.  The enemy has tried to stop me, but I refuse.  I have recently learned that serving to climb is a sin.  I think I have done this unintentionally, but as I examined my heart, I saw that it was there.  It helped me to be free from this when I began to tell God that despite if I had ever known these people, I thank God and rejoice just the same in their success for the kingdom!  As my flesh sometimes opposes it, my heart has began to love serving in secret.  There really is nothing like it.

I am God's movement.

Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with God.  Any conversation with God is always good, because you know he is talking to you!  My insides scream with excitment when He talks back to me....no matter how often it occurs.

Anyways, I was driving past Harry Hines Blvd. as usual when I didn't have time to curse the bad clubs as I was passing.  My throat had been very sore, and I became tired of saying it every day to and from work.  I then asked God to allow just my body passing by it to curse them each time.  I thought to myself that it would be awesome that no matter if I had paid attention or not that God inside me would be able to curse the buildings without my continual saying it. God IMMEDIATELY responded, "If I was wanting to do that, I would have done it Myself without using you to do it.  How do you think I curse them?...I curse them by the words from your mouth; therefore, just passing by would be denying the power I intend to use in you to curse it." 

I then was refreshed with the verses:
"But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing."
"I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

I think it is sooooo cool that God uses us that way. I underestimate my capabilities to the point where my mindset is sometimes crippled!  Why am I on spiritual crutches to think that He doesn't want us to BE His vessels of blessings and curses?

If this is something I now believe, then I must also believe that speaking His blessings over myself and my family works to the same degree.  If I don't want evil knocking at my door, then by golly, I need to get off my butt and curse the evil that is coming my way.  If I want to see God's blessings, then..........you guessed it, I need to speak blessings into my life.  My words have power and my words ARE the voice of God when my life is consecrated to him.

God, I ask that you help me and those who read this to realize the potential of our words.  I will choose to not complain and call in harm.  I will be a speaker of life when it is time for it and I will speak death when you word stands against things.  I seek your wisdome and you Holy Ghost power to consume me in this area. I pray this seed will not only be planted in fertile soil, but that it would grow into a mighty source of other seeds for others in Your kingdom.  Thank You for this revelation of your truth. 
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Below are the names of the strip clubs for this area.  It is beginning to get on my nerves!  I feel a rising of change in the atmosphere! Please pray with me concerning this!  At least five of these are on the road that I pass everyday.  Another terrible thing about this is they have disgusting billboards all over the major highway flashed before every driver! God, protect the people that drive by it! I would never advise to visit the websites for these clubs, but I tried to find a picture of the particular one that I drive right beside.  I wasn't able to find an outside pic of the building and I didn't click into anything on that site, but I realized that the publicity for these women are as shaded figures with exposed bodies; yet so many people neglect to think of the actual souls attached to these bodies.  Who are we to let this happen on our watch?  Lastly, there is an outreach for these girls at my church, and I know they would greatly appreciate your prayers and intercession.

Baby Dolls

Bombshells Nude Cabaret

Cabaret Royale

Chicas Bonitas

Club Onyx

Clubhouse

Dallas Gentlemen's Club

Fare Club (at Cabaret Royale)

Gold Club

Jaguar's Gold Club

King's Cabaret

La Zona Rosa Cabaret

Lady Love II

Lipstick Cabaret

Lodge

Men's Club Of Dallas

Pandora's Mens Club

Silver City Cabaret

Spearmint Rhino

Tiger Cabaret

XTC Cabaret

I want this bag. haha

Kelly Moore is giving away a bag! Go enter to win! http://kellymoorebagblog.com/

HSM and JENNA...ha

I have two things that have been going on inside of me for a while now.  I know that I need to blog about certain things when I just can't shake them from my brain and heart.  Instead of writing two different posts, I will just do the first half about HSM and the second half about me.  Oh, for those of you who don't know, HSM stands for Heartland School of Ministry.  My husband attends along with some dear friends of ours. 

So here is the HSM part:
I have been feeling for a while now the urging to just pray for the school.  It has gone through attack, it seems, from all directions.  This is no suprise; however, because Dr. Tapper, a professor, prophesied at orientation that the enemy was going to come almost in waves, but God would raise up a wall that would block his attempts.  There would be multiple attacks until God would erect a final wall that could not be penetrated or overcome by the enemy.  I feel such an urging to write about this, because as a former ministry student, I understand how easy it is to forget the significant details when surrounded by ministry all of the time.  I feel I have an objective point of view, because I am somewhat of an observer that is not surrounded; therefore, I feel that I can see it as a whole.  Anyhow, I know of so many students that have struggled in more ways than one to get to the school, remain at the school, and prosper without fainting.  I have watched my brothers and sisters endure hardships and trials that are significant even to the seasoned christian.  I have seen and heard of the impartation that God is rushing their way.

I knew my heart couldn't contain my words about this when I popped in the CD of John Potter prophesying over each student.  There were so many common phrases and words that I heard.  I often heard talk of partnership, expanding limitations, as well as fire and power annointings.  The most significant word that he uttered was of uniting the students! He said that through partnership and relationship with one another, each one would reach more potential and advancement in the spiritual.  He implored that one must not "rank" themselves amongst each other, but each one is knitted with the others as in an elaborate quilt. (This was my interpretation, not John's exact words.)

I just wanted to say to each HSM'er to beware! To whom much is given much is required.  I know that I have had a tendancy to take prophesy lightly and just to focus on the good.  I know God was speaking to me that each one much realize that a prophesy direct from God is as the bible in that it is a LIVING word.  Just as we are held accountable for what is in the word, we are held accountable to the instructions given through words of prophesy.  I would never compare that prophesy is equal to or better than the Bible, but I am saying that it is the spoken word of God that must NOT be taken lightly.  Please hear my heart and know that I am not saying this to preach to any HSM'er.

I hope and pray that each student will grab hold of that living word invested and act on it.  I know that revival is on it's way when this is done.  Lastly,  I want to mention what I believe to be a product of that encounter through John Potter.  There are some girl students that are in one apartment together, and it is amazing to hear of the God movings that occur within that apartment.  I feel that just as the word given that day said, they are knit together and God is showing up in a HUGE WAY.  I just dare myself to believe that if the whole school did this as a whole, then revival would show up and show out! Oh, my heart pounds at the thought of it.

So HSM students, I want you to know that you are daily being prayed for and uplifted!  I believe each student is a piece of the quilt of revival!

So here is the JENNA part:
I have been going through something that I think all wives go through at some point.  I have been treating my husband in a way that I know he doesn't deserve.  Don't get me wrong, I haven't been terrible or anything drastic, but I knew something was in my heart that just wasn't right.  After weeks of talking to God about it, I have now come to a conclusion.  I have neglected to cultivate the beauty of who I am inside.  It is such a hard line to draw for a wife of God to submit, but yet be bold in the Lord.  I am opinionated and bossy, but I am also self-driven and strong.  As I began to doubt who I was now and who I would be in Dustin's ministry, I began to blame him.  I am in the process of repentence, and I know that my outward behavior was a result of my inward state. 

I learned that I must cultivate the beauty of who I am in God.  I am first His, then my husband's.  I have learned that I don't need to fade behind my husband's ministry, but I need to simply have his back.  I choose to walk behind him AND beside him.  I always thought that it had to be one or the other.  There are times when I need to be behind him as support and then there are times when I need to be beside him in warfare!  I have learned that submitting to your husband isn't always a passive role.  It is a very active one!  I have a voice and I am proud to proclaim the truth of God.  I also have the discipline to shut the same voice when my husband needs to speak as the head of me.  I thank God for helping me to see the dual roles of a godly wife. I listened to the prophesy I spoke of earlier in this post over and over at the part of my husband's.  I want to know God's plan as much as I can frontwards and backwards so that I will be turned the right direction at the right time when I am behind him.  I want to be positioned to the right when he begins to see that the right side is the next direction.  I will always do as he directs, but I want to be support even in scary transitions so that every ounce of his back is covered!

And Suddenly....

I was spending some time with a great friend, and God spoke to me very clearly about the future.  I like to explain the context to when I have the voice of God appear in my life.  I just LOVE it when He catches me off guard.  The only thing I can nail down as the voice of God is..."AND SUDDENLY THERE WAS...."  At first I was pretty sure it was JUST a move of the Holy Spirit that was going to come suddenly.  Oh, that word JUST limits us soo much.  From the moment I heard it, it was implanted into my spirit.  It is part of me for this moment and can not be removed just as God can never be removed from my heart.

In the bible, this phrase appears in Acts 2:2 -  And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that there is about to me a suddenly!  However, the suddenly that appeared in Acts 2 was for that time and perhaps others, but I know that we are now proclaiming what our suddenly will be.  What are we as the spirit-filled church going to declare for the words after "was."  And suddenly, there will be.......  What do you want to see?  God is wanting to know what you are yearning for.  What is burning in your heart that you must see and won't loosen your persuit of it until it comes forth?  For me it is for God's truth to be known, unmistakenly!  I want my God's name and reputation to be replinished among the earth.  I want His heart to be felt! I need to see His name resounding in all of the earth.  I want God to become the clear answer and destination to all of the earth's problems!  I pray that the Teen Challenges be full, the churches to be alive, and for people to be a people OF God, not just for His cause.  It's time for God to bust out of this box that we all have put Him in. 

This is a season that we must be our OWN prophet!  Let's proclaim it as though it were and tighten our grip on what is in our spirit to see forth.  We must recognize that GOD is in us, and it is about time that God in us really reflect who God is.  He is not dulled down and a temporary relief.  He is all powerful and has soo many names that reveal His character.  If that God lives in us, we must consecrate ourselves to be of Him and not just for Him.  If we do that, I believe we will see who God really is manifested and displayed in our lives.  I'm tired of the God that comes out of me being smaller than I know Him to be in my heart.

"And Suddenly, my pastor will be consumed with God's prescence that every cancer cell will disappear!"
And suddenly, my loved ones will have a glimpse of the light I have been trying to display."
And suddenly, there will be a distinct shift in the finances geared towards business and into God's business.
And suddenly, the arguements between the body of Christ will become a voice of unity.
And suddenly, Harry Hines Blvd. will be empty of prostitutes.
And suddenly, my classroom silence will be filled with the move of the Holy Ghost.
And suddenly, life as we know it will NEVER be the same!

I'M SO READY!

"I'll Pray for You"

I was wanting to blog, but I didn't really feel like I had anything urgent to say as I usually do when I blog.  When I normally blog, I feel like it is going to burst out of my physical body if I do not write it somehow.  I do have a feeling of urgency on a smaller scale for today.  I do want you you to realize that I'm speaking to myself as well.  I hope that I never come across "preachy" as I am such a work in progress myself.

What I am feeling today is that so many times I feel the need to encourage someone in need by saying, "I will pray for you."  I was struck by the importance of following up on this lest my God be shown absent in their need.  I've caught myself several times saying that little phrase without understanding the weight of responsibility behind it.  I have gotten to the point that it would be better to not say it than to say it and just say a get me by prayer to check them off the list.  If I tell someone that I am going to petition God on their behalf, by golly, that's what I'm going to do from now on.  How terrible it would be for someone's faith to be decreased by a lack of God's movement because you forgot to go to God with it. You may be the only one praying about it. Afterall, our prayers are the traintrack for God to move.  Our prayers are our recognition that there is unfinished business.

Lastly,  I was reading the good ole verse that says, "Trust in the Lord in all your ways and lean not on your own understanding, and He will make your paths straight."  I've been thinking about all of the times that I have felt confused and doubtful.  I realize that in those times, my trust in God has not been manifest in my physical body.  It's one thing to say it, but it is another thing to activate your trust in order for it to manifest in your life.  I claim to the promise now that my path WILL be straight as my trust is activated through faith.  If my next step is not straight in front of me, let it be a reminder to me that my trust needs a tune-up.  God give us all the wisdom on how to activate our trust through faith.  I have so many times caught myself believing that all the promises in the bible were impossible to take hold of.  I now know that I must activate my faith before I can ever look for the return on God's promise.  Being saved is always first priority, but gaining God's best for you is so much more than being saved!  I dare you to explore it as I dare myself to find my shortcomings instead of what Satan wants me to believe are God's.

Ishamael or Isaac Return?

I was reading in the word about when God promised Sarah a son by Abram after Sarah had already sent Hagar to sleep with her husband to give Abram a son.  Sarah was past the child bearing years, so she wanted to give Abram a son.  After Hagar conceived, Sarah began to despise her.  Isn't it funny how you want something that you know isn't God's perfect will and when it happens you despise it?  It's like telling my husband that I don't need anything for Valentine's Day.   I mean it at the time, but if he doesn't show up with something, I am terribly hurt!

I learned something very valuable through this.  Do you want an Ishmael blessing or an Isaac covenant?  Isaac was born of Sarah after she had made the mistake of not checking with God on her decision to send Abram with Hagar.  Because of her lack of pursuit for the will of God, she had to deal with the consequences.  I find it interesting, that God no where in this story takes offense.  Instead, she is shown grace.  Perhaps, He knew the intentions of her heart....who knows.  I've come to find that God isn't so concerned with cause and effect as much as He is about making sure that the ones that love him find the purpose behind the pain and barrenness.

Anyhow,  Hagar retreated into the wilderness because of the mistreatment she experienced from Sarah.  It seems she had every right to!  However, an angel appeared to her and said she must go back in order to receive blessings.  She could NOT retreat into wilderness (pitty) and experience blessing.  Although she was the victim, she must come back and live harmoniously!  Therefore, Ishmael experienced blessing from God.  I've found myself knowing that although there have been people that I could consider myself the victim with, God is saying DO NOT RETREAT, stay and live harmoniously!  That is where the blessing is!

Lastly, I learned that anyone can do a good deed and experience the fruit of it.  However, I want to consult God as to what I should do so that I can experience the covenant with God.  You can consult yourself about what is comfortable to do to make sure you are in good standing with works, or you can do what He says when you consult Him and experience covenant.  I would much rather have His covenant in my life than His blessing on my deeds.  Isaac represents the covenant because it was His master plan.  Ishmael represents blessing because it was done out of Sarah's will, not Gods.  Anyone can produce fruit, but I want my fruit to not be just a cause and effect, but relational with my Father.

Therefore, I will not run away and be timid.  I will show up and live harmoniously! I will seek out His will so that my fruit will be eternal and relational!  Perhaps, James meant something like this when he said "it is by faith and not works."  It is by our faith that we receive the beginnings of the fruit we must produce.  Also, that "you will know them by their fruit" has a new meaning to me.  Does a person have blessed fruit or covenential fruit?

James 2:22 - Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? (This is when Abraham sacrificed Isaac on the alter)

James 2:26 - For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.