Where do I begin?...I found out that I am pregnant with baby Kindle (when the docs confirm that it is indeed a girl). I have gone through so much change since finding out. I am currently 7 weeks although I think about 8 weeks. My doctor and I are on two different wavelengths when it comes to dates...not that it really matters.
I had a good conversation with a close friend recently about why I feel this season has just crept up on me. I don't know why I let it creep up on me. God told me almost two years in advance. He told me again two months in advance. We conceived the first full month that we started to try. When I say try I mean we just stopped preventing.
Anyhoo, my conversation with my friend led me to believe what a blessing this is to me. I mean, I know that expecting a baby is a blessing, but I never realized how broken of a spirit you become until you are expecting the first child. Golly, it can just be overwhelming. I know that upon finding out I was pregnant, I have been broken and in expectation. I always have control of my life...well, not anymore. I'm growing more and more fond of life coming to me rather than me running ahead of it to try and control and manipulate it.
God has also shared with me that when I'm broken, my spirit demands the REAL peace...the REAL provision...and the REAL prescence of God. It's easier to accept a substitute when the situation isn't critically important..you know what I mean?
I've gone from demanding a house and other provisions for my family to being content in my apartment with my tag-along car. I know that this season has been ordained by God. He told me the date, the name, and the gender before I ever conceived. It has so far fallen into place perfectly with what He told me.
Currently, I'm a river of emotions..crying at small things. I am a picky yet unpredictable eater. I am a saltine cracker conisour. I am a sleep-a-holic. I am also an expectant mother...wow When you pile that on top of being a full time teacher and wife....it can be just a little overwhelming at times.
Lastly, I've seen God overcome the odds for me. My doctor, the month before I got pregnant, said I would possibly have to have fertility drugs due to cysts on my ovaries. In combination with my thyroid problems, he said it should at the least take a while. Miscarriage also runs in my family. My first appointment was a little of a shaker b/c my doctor said the baby was semi-small for how far along I was and that her heartbeat was a little low. He did a blood test that day. The next day, they called me and put me on hormones to prevent miscarriage. He said that the medicine had to start that day and that it couldn't wait until the weekend was over. I got this phone call while on a prayer journey through the city of Dallas with my spiritual warfare prayer team.
Since then, I have spoken life over my womb several times as I can sometimes even feel darkness try to enter in. I've had prayer warriors pray over me. After the prayers of others and my own determination to warfare over my womb, there is nothing but life and health over me. I know this baby is going to be a warrior already. There was a fight already to get this far. It's funny how my maternal role is already being used as I war in the spirit for my own baby. I have no fear....I am victorious.
It's funny how repeating these events makes me realize the spiritual significance behind all of this. Well, I hear in my soul that "Satan comes like a theif in the night." He tries to remain subtle...he tries to remain concealed. I pray the light of God would penetrate all darkness as the enemy is exposed. He has no place in my home....no place...period.
I expectantly look towards my future with hope and faith in hand. I won't let go.....He won't let go. Thank God.
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