I'm low on inspiration; however, I am full of many other things! I am updating the blog to just let go of all the words trapped in my head and heart. Sometimes, the greatest statements I make come AFTER I begin to put them on paper.
It's been a very difficult road for about the past couple of months. Each day is full of pain and discomfort to a very high degree. I know I have grown in the area of pain and discomfort, because I don't necessarily see this as altogether a bad thing. I know there will be endless rewards and unimaginative surprises at the end of this journey. It's funny to me that I can get around a few people and turn into Wonder Woman....only to end the afternoon crying my eyes out and in intense pain.
The pain in this pregnancy has literally been the worst pain I have had in my entire life! It's difficult to say and admit sometimes that my days are just ROUGH! It's like a sting in my soul each time a coworker asks me how I'm doing. If you know me at all, you know I'm not gonna put on a mask and say, "wonderful!." Why does it feel so bad sometimes to just say that your day/week is stinky? Perhaps, I have been a part of a worldly movement that pushes raw and unpleasant emotion to the side for the sake of being likable to others. Come to think of it, I'd like for more people to be transparent about things that seem to overtake the good in life...I'd love to be made aware of the needs of the people around me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to be a "Debbie Downer." I'm just saying that I'd like to create an environment for the people around me, no matter the depth of our relationship, to feel comfortable enough to admit troubles. My doctor hugged me today and I laid my head on his shoulder. He gave me a few words of affirmation. That is all he did, and you know what?.....It touched me to the core to have a caring embrace without having to listen to advice, etc.
Maybe, I am just a sensitive person. Maybe you say this is too close for comfort. Maybe, it would be a better place with less depression and oppression if we felt like we could be real in the small moments when we pass each other at work, in the grocery store, and at church. Don't you sometimes just get tired of passing people in hallways only to say, "hi, how are you," only to get back a "great, how are you?" I mean really...we don't even slow down because we have become that predictable in "politely" keeping our troubles quiet. I'd rather pass someone and just start telling them hello or pay them a quick compliment.
I want to be a hug when someone needs it. I want to be an ear with loving eyes when someone doesn't need a similar story or advice. I want to be the voice of prayer when someone is at a loss for words. I want those around me to feel swaddled when they feel so exposed to the world that their whole existence is callused and hard. I want the world to be a better place. Perhaps, in this place, people will see and experience the love of God. I imagine this to be a blissful place.
One thing I have found so freeing is to just be myself. I've grown up believing that I need to filter EVERYTHING I say and do....lest it come back around to bite me. Lately, I've been saying and doing what comes naturally from Jenna. It's working out great. This is something my husband models almost with perfection. It may sometimes be easy to find small areas of correction, but his heart is always open and his thoughts are always truly felt. The beauty of this is that when you see the areas in his life that are super great, they REALLY ARE SUPER GREAT because everything that leaks out of him is truly felt. I just love him. :)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Faithfulness
"A faith that does not result in faithfulness is fraudulent."
That's a pretty nice beginner, eh? I have been bombarded with a message of faith and success and how closely they are related within the past week. Radio preaching, personal time, instant access on faith scriptures as my bible swings open to the exact page God wants me to read. His word is really nothing short of letters to me. Isn't that beautiful?
I was just thinking about how beautiful is the life lead in faith. All of the things I treasure most has been found through intimate persuit of God. I was in search of a fresh word on the front right side of my home church sanctuary....I found direction to Master's Commission that was vital to my spiritual walk. I was in search of God through a bible study...found my husband there. I was in search of God's face in a worship service after seeking knowledge of spiritual warfare through Rebecca Greenwood....I found Kindle Elisabeth through my ears and eyes as direction that confirmed what He spoke years earlier. I have always received as much of God as I have persued....always! I want more.
As I was in my quiet time, I could hear the Holy Spirit saying, "The Father is looking for faithfulness." I believe we are in a day that the Lord is literally searching and looking for a heart that is FULLY His.
I would say that we are in a land and a time that is much like what Jeremiah saw: "Road through the streets of Jerusalem. Look and take note; search in her squares. If you find a single person, anyONE who acts justly, who seeks to be FAITHFUL, then I will forgive her." This is amazing to me! I believe this is a word for TODAY.
There are so many lies out there to flatter us into thinking that a faithful life abides in good intentions and a positive moral attitude. It's time to understand what God is searching for and what He wants to find in me. Jeremiah 4 lets me know that a life/land is blessed or cursed based on the statement, "if you...." That's me!...not God. His will is blessing. He's not sitting up there waving a rod of immaculate intervention to turn some sorrows into good. He's passionately waiting to find a heart that is faithful. That's all.
Jeremiah 4 - "If you return to Me, if YOU remove your destestible idols from my Prescence and do not waver, if YOU swear, as the Lord lives, in truth, in justice and in righteousness, then the nations(me) will be blessed by Him and will pride themselves in Him."
I just marvel at the beauty that I will pride myself in what He will do when He finds those qualities that truely define faithfulness.
Who can be found faithful in heart, thoughts, money, persuits, relationships, battles, victories?...I desperately wanna be! I wanna be found on a mission field or in a van full of criminals or in a brothel full of women seeking love or in my living room fostering the gifts within my sweet daughter, Kindle. I wanna be found with the discipline to see beyond a rough moment to recognize that a life of faithfulness will result in eternal significance. We always seem to be aware when people are watching us, I wanna wake up with the reality each morning that God is watching...I want Him to take delight in me. I want Him to be blessed by me. I yearn for His heart to be captivated by my life. I long for Him to know that my life is a place where He can come and release Himself.
I love that all this talk of faithfulness is just that....believing what I cannot see....a life full of faith. I believe in all these things lie true success. So long luke warmness with good intentions and a fake smile.
That's a pretty nice beginner, eh? I have been bombarded with a message of faith and success and how closely they are related within the past week. Radio preaching, personal time, instant access on faith scriptures as my bible swings open to the exact page God wants me to read. His word is really nothing short of letters to me. Isn't that beautiful?
I was just thinking about how beautiful is the life lead in faith. All of the things I treasure most has been found through intimate persuit of God. I was in search of a fresh word on the front right side of my home church sanctuary....I found direction to Master's Commission that was vital to my spiritual walk. I was in search of God through a bible study...found my husband there. I was in search of God's face in a worship service after seeking knowledge of spiritual warfare through Rebecca Greenwood....I found Kindle Elisabeth through my ears and eyes as direction that confirmed what He spoke years earlier. I have always received as much of God as I have persued....always! I want more.
As I was in my quiet time, I could hear the Holy Spirit saying, "The Father is looking for faithfulness." I believe we are in a day that the Lord is literally searching and looking for a heart that is FULLY His.
I would say that we are in a land and a time that is much like what Jeremiah saw: "Road through the streets of Jerusalem. Look and take note; search in her squares. If you find a single person, anyONE who acts justly, who seeks to be FAITHFUL, then I will forgive her." This is amazing to me! I believe this is a word for TODAY.
There are so many lies out there to flatter us into thinking that a faithful life abides in good intentions and a positive moral attitude. It's time to understand what God is searching for and what He wants to find in me. Jeremiah 4 lets me know that a life/land is blessed or cursed based on the statement, "if you...." That's me!...not God. His will is blessing. He's not sitting up there waving a rod of immaculate intervention to turn some sorrows into good. He's passionately waiting to find a heart that is faithful. That's all.
Jeremiah 4 - "If you return to Me, if YOU remove your destestible idols from my Prescence and do not waver, if YOU swear, as the Lord lives, in truth, in justice and in righteousness, then the nations(me) will be blessed by Him and will pride themselves in Him."
I just marvel at the beauty that I will pride myself in what He will do when He finds those qualities that truely define faithfulness.
Who can be found faithful in heart, thoughts, money, persuits, relationships, battles, victories?...I desperately wanna be! I wanna be found on a mission field or in a van full of criminals or in a brothel full of women seeking love or in my living room fostering the gifts within my sweet daughter, Kindle. I wanna be found with the discipline to see beyond a rough moment to recognize that a life of faithfulness will result in eternal significance. We always seem to be aware when people are watching us, I wanna wake up with the reality each morning that God is watching...I want Him to take delight in me. I want Him to be blessed by me. I yearn for His heart to be captivated by my life. I long for Him to know that my life is a place where He can come and release Himself.
I love that all this talk of faithfulness is just that....believing what I cannot see....a life full of faith. I believe in all these things lie true success. So long luke warmness with good intentions and a fake smile.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Not Mine to Start With
If I were to sit and use the blog as a journal to record all of what I have experienced as a pregnant woman, I am afraid I would begin to feel a bit of embarassment and shame. I have had almost every symptom known to man along with my own natural tendancies to put way too much pressure on myself to measure up to whatever image of perfection that I have built up in my mind.
There have been days where I honestly didn't know myself. I didn't know what I wanted or even who I was. I specifically remember looking at a picture and bursting into tears. I just couldn't get over the fact that I didn't even recognize the woman in the picture! I couldn't even remember what it felt like to be in a right frame of mind all of the time. What did it feel like to only have to think of myself? What did it feel like to have a zipper on my pants or to wear my wedding ring? Most of all, what did it feel like for my husband to look at me without wondering what lines he could or could not cross.
So, all in all I have come to many low points with this pregnancy. Thankfully, I serve a God that loves me so much that He made a way out for me.
My church had an earth-shattering conference with Corey Russell a couple of weeks ago. I was super excited about being there; however, my body was just limp with exhaustion. I was so disappointed by the end because I felt like I got nothing out of it like I felt like I should have. Thankfully, I returned the next weekend only to have found God's prescence stronger than I had ever felt.
As I laid on the floor during worship, God gave me a vision. This is one of the only visions I have ever had where I heard God almost narrating what was happening. To make a long story short, He showed me the beauty that was waiting to be uncovered for this pregnancy. I saw a beautiful woman kneeling down to place her baby at the river. This was the mother of Moses. As she released him, I immediately turned into her and began to dance freely with such peace.
As you know, Moses's mother was an Israelite at the time of his birth. She hid him for three months, but the pharoh's had orders to kill all male children. In what must have seemed like a tragic situation with no options, she placed her baby at the edge of the river only for the pharaoh's daughter to eventually find him. This was his only chance of survival.
God showed me that my only chance for survival was to lay this pregnancy and baby down at the river. I closed my eyes and with everything within me, released this baby into the current of the Holy Spirit. I don't want control over this. It was God who gave her to me, it will be His kingdom to care for her.
As I have pondered this mind-altering experience, I have found this to be such a lesson for anything we are battling. Whatever it is, God wants us to lay it down to be found by Him. He wants us to be able to dance in the face of the pharoh's orders. He wants us joyful when life seems to be choked. He wants us to experience fruit like that of Moses's life as we give it up. If his mother had held on and chosen to fight, her son's fate would have surely been death. It is the same for anything else. Sometimes fighting isn't the answer. Sometimes lettting go is. Sometimes we go against the natural order of the promise.....Are we fighting because that's what we've done in the past? Are we doing what comes naturally or what makes us feel better? He promises victory and peace; therefore, why are we so afraid and stubborn to let it go?....
Lastly, one of the most beautiful aspects of the story is that his mother had no idea that in letting go, she would be a huge part of delivering her people out of Egypt. Her surrender would also lead to the parting of the Red Sea. This inspires me to so to go for it all. I want to fight when it's time to fight, let go when it's time to let go, and stand when there is nothing left. My heart's desire is to do this even when I don't have forseeable fruit beyond it. If my surrender produces an uproar and mighty deliverance, so be it. If my surrender produces nothing but a consecrated heart to Christ, then the effort is well spent.
My sweet Kindle Elisabeth will know her Maker. She will know Him because she has been laid down at the foot of the river for God to raise. Her middle name means, "my God is a promise". I know there is no safer place for her. Within my own grip, she is in danger.
I hope this has been effectively communicated as it is difficult to put into words the passions of your heart. I know since this experience, my pregnancy has gone so smoothly. I am calmer and I feel peace within my womb that I didn't always have. I have traded ashes in for beauty at the direction of God. I'm so glad He gives correction to me. What love!?!
There have been days where I honestly didn't know myself. I didn't know what I wanted or even who I was. I specifically remember looking at a picture and bursting into tears. I just couldn't get over the fact that I didn't even recognize the woman in the picture! I couldn't even remember what it felt like to be in a right frame of mind all of the time. What did it feel like to only have to think of myself? What did it feel like to have a zipper on my pants or to wear my wedding ring? Most of all, what did it feel like for my husband to look at me without wondering what lines he could or could not cross.
My church had an earth-shattering conference with Corey Russell a couple of weeks ago. I was super excited about being there; however, my body was just limp with exhaustion. I was so disappointed by the end because I felt like I got nothing out of it like I felt like I should have. Thankfully, I returned the next weekend only to have found God's prescence stronger than I had ever felt.
As I laid on the floor during worship, God gave me a vision. This is one of the only visions I have ever had where I heard God almost narrating what was happening. To make a long story short, He showed me the beauty that was waiting to be uncovered for this pregnancy. I saw a beautiful woman kneeling down to place her baby at the river. This was the mother of Moses. As she released him, I immediately turned into her and began to dance freely with such peace.
As you know, Moses's mother was an Israelite at the time of his birth. She hid him for three months, but the pharoh's had orders to kill all male children. In what must have seemed like a tragic situation with no options, she placed her baby at the edge of the river only for the pharaoh's daughter to eventually find him. This was his only chance of survival.
God showed me that my only chance for survival was to lay this pregnancy and baby down at the river. I closed my eyes and with everything within me, released this baby into the current of the Holy Spirit. I don't want control over this. It was God who gave her to me, it will be His kingdom to care for her.
As I have pondered this mind-altering experience, I have found this to be such a lesson for anything we are battling. Whatever it is, God wants us to lay it down to be found by Him. He wants us to be able to dance in the face of the pharoh's orders. He wants us joyful when life seems to be choked. He wants us to experience fruit like that of Moses's life as we give it up. If his mother had held on and chosen to fight, her son's fate would have surely been death. It is the same for anything else. Sometimes fighting isn't the answer. Sometimes lettting go is. Sometimes we go against the natural order of the promise.....Are we fighting because that's what we've done in the past? Are we doing what comes naturally or what makes us feel better? He promises victory and peace; therefore, why are we so afraid and stubborn to let it go?....
Lastly, one of the most beautiful aspects of the story is that his mother had no idea that in letting go, she would be a huge part of delivering her people out of Egypt. Her surrender would also lead to the parting of the Red Sea. This inspires me to so to go for it all. I want to fight when it's time to fight, let go when it's time to let go, and stand when there is nothing left. My heart's desire is to do this even when I don't have forseeable fruit beyond it. If my surrender produces an uproar and mighty deliverance, so be it. If my surrender produces nothing but a consecrated heart to Christ, then the effort is well spent.
My sweet Kindle Elisabeth will know her Maker. She will know Him because she has been laid down at the foot of the river for God to raise. Her middle name means, "my God is a promise". I know there is no safer place for her. Within my own grip, she is in danger.
I hope this has been effectively communicated as it is difficult to put into words the passions of your heart. I know since this experience, my pregnancy has gone so smoothly. I am calmer and I feel peace within my womb that I didn't always have. I have traded ashes in for beauty at the direction of God. I'm so glad He gives correction to me. What love!?!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Enjoy the Journey
I realized one major difference today between me and the world. One follows a voice of self-determination, one follows the voice and direction of God. I think the major difference between the two, is that one guaruntees invaluable experiences and relationship with no regrets....the other provides temporary peace of mind, knowing that as long as the world continues the way they think it should, their futures will be secure.
I made a decision to follow the voice of God a long time ago. No matter what this world turns toward, my past, present, and future rest in the hands of God. A life in persuit of possessions and popularity may provide things, but it never allows you to live in peace without any regrets.
As I look at the fruit that this deliberate path has produced, I see:
-a roomate we not only have lived with but have made a difference in , a priceless and lifelong relationship
-countless men that still to this day call Dustin when life is difficult and easy
-at least four people that we will love and fellowship with till the day we die
-so far, at least100 little faces that God had put in my path to give direction, and in some cases, mentorship
-visions and lessons that allow me to be a person people come to for help
-broken relationships with family restored and unhealthy ties broken
-classes and people who have not only led me, but taught me in the ways of spiritual warfare, etc..
-a relationship that has gone from a friendship to a love that only God could have made
-most importantly, a future that will continue to glorify the King instead of my own flesh.
My path is deliberate. My path is sometimes difficult. My path isn't traveled often. Howevever, I'm around people that have been there and have given me a glimpse of the price. I'm surrounded by those trailblazers that all christians want to be like, but few are willing to pay the price. I'm surrounded by them on purpose....I want to be one of those.
I wrote in the baby book just tonight about this life lesson. I include things I want Kindle to know. I want her to look around wherever she is and know that our life may not be full of things, but it is full of God and it is on purpose! This is from the baby book, "Our path is divine....The world pushes us to a destination, but Daddy God focuses on the journey." Thank goodness. I could achieve material things and have the world look at me differently; however, I know that when those things happen, I will have gotten there from enjoying the journey and walking through invaluable experiences and lessons. I will enjoy the journey.
My hubby just took a picture of this painting I did a while back. I know the quality of the picture isn't great, but I know walking by it and reading it is such a good reminder for me.
I am proud of my decisions, lifestyle, and accomplishments b/c they have all come from God. Like I said, I made a decision a long time ago...I'm gonna follow Jesus, no matter what.
I made a decision to follow the voice of God a long time ago. No matter what this world turns toward, my past, present, and future rest in the hands of God. A life in persuit of possessions and popularity may provide things, but it never allows you to live in peace without any regrets.
As I look at the fruit that this deliberate path has produced, I see:
-a roomate we not only have lived with but have made a difference in , a priceless and lifelong relationship
-countless men that still to this day call Dustin when life is difficult and easy
-at least four people that we will love and fellowship with till the day we die
-so far, at least100 little faces that God had put in my path to give direction, and in some cases, mentorship
-visions and lessons that allow me to be a person people come to for help
-broken relationships with family restored and unhealthy ties broken
-classes and people who have not only led me, but taught me in the ways of spiritual warfare, etc..
-a relationship that has gone from a friendship to a love that only God could have made
-most importantly, a future that will continue to glorify the King instead of my own flesh.
My path is deliberate. My path is sometimes difficult. My path isn't traveled often. Howevever, I'm around people that have been there and have given me a glimpse of the price. I'm surrounded by those trailblazers that all christians want to be like, but few are willing to pay the price. I'm surrounded by them on purpose....I want to be one of those.
I wrote in the baby book just tonight about this life lesson. I include things I want Kindle to know. I want her to look around wherever she is and know that our life may not be full of things, but it is full of God and it is on purpose! This is from the baby book, "Our path is divine....The world pushes us to a destination, but Daddy God focuses on the journey." Thank goodness. I could achieve material things and have the world look at me differently; however, I know that when those things happen, I will have gotten there from enjoying the journey and walking through invaluable experiences and lessons. I will enjoy the journey.
I am proud of my decisions, lifestyle, and accomplishments b/c they have all come from God. Like I said, I made a decision a long time ago...I'm gonna follow Jesus, no matter what.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Valley
Luke 3:5 - Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be brought low; and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways [shall be] made smooth.
I was thinking about valleys. We always describe the seasons of our lives to valleys and mountaintops. However, I have never pondered the significance of the valley.
The mountains and hills give you vision into the land; however, in a valley, you find the necessities. In a valley, you find riverbeds with endless food supplies. Not only do the fish live there but most animals live closest to the source of water and safety that the valley provides. The valley normally also contains the most vegitation. The valley is also the place where everything from the mountains gravitate. The valley contains a collection of all that the mountains once contained.
Where would you wanna build a house? Your shelter?....I want to be in the valley. Life isn't about staying on the mountaintop. It's about resting in the shadow of the almighty and drinking from the River that never runs dry. I will search in the depths of the earth and will be found content.
I was gonna paste some pretty rad pictures of valley's but they have this copyright thing! Google if you have time, it changed my perspective about the reality of everyday life as a christian.
I was thinking about valleys. We always describe the seasons of our lives to valleys and mountaintops. However, I have never pondered the significance of the valley.
The mountains and hills give you vision into the land; however, in a valley, you find the necessities. In a valley, you find riverbeds with endless food supplies. Not only do the fish live there but most animals live closest to the source of water and safety that the valley provides. The valley normally also contains the most vegitation. The valley is also the place where everything from the mountains gravitate. The valley contains a collection of all that the mountains once contained.
Where would you wanna build a house? Your shelter?....I want to be in the valley. Life isn't about staying on the mountaintop. It's about resting in the shadow of the almighty and drinking from the River that never runs dry. I will search in the depths of the earth and will be found content.
I was gonna paste some pretty rad pictures of valley's but they have this copyright thing! Google if you have time, it changed my perspective about the reality of everyday life as a christian.
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Beginnings
What a shocker, I'm not quite sure where to begin. As usual, I will just jump right in as my mind never has a beginning and end...it is forever continuing in thoughts, contemplations, meditations, etc.
So now that I am about five months pregnant, I am feeling waves of emotions everyday. I'm not wishing to change them or delete them. I'm just fine sitting down with stamps, markers, and freshly bought cards for whatever my loved ones are experiencing. I'm fine turning on worship or sitting in silence crying over whatever has me stirred up today.
In my quiet time this morning, God gave me such a fresh revelation. Dustin and I are going through spiritual inventory these days. In the midst of man's correction, religeons' politics, and the want for worldly riches, we have come to solitude with our first love. Our life has gone from exciting dream conversations to moments on the couch of just holding each other in silence as we get through difficult moments and abrasions the world leaves us with.
Needless to say, we have literally let go of EVERYTHING we had - dreams, opportunities, friends, money, etc. We are finding that in our laying down of these things, that Jesus is bringing back the things that were established on fertile soil within the context of love, not performance and works.
As I was meditating, praying, and reading a story of God's provision, God spoke to me. As we search for direction, God showed me that His direction is more often than not just that....a direction. I know I'm so guilty of looking for a specific step or specific promise that will coax me onto the right path. I've prayed so often for direction, not at all realizing that I was unhappy unless he gave me specific promises and details of the journey. I was corrected as I read the story of Jacob. His father and heavenly Father had instructed him to marry a woman from his mother's bloodline. This was his mandate. So what did he do next? He got direction. The direction wasn't "go here, do this, and you have it." His direction was "Go East."
Jacob obeyed in persuit of a wife and set off east. He had no idea where the provision of God would lead him, but he knew his provision lied on the path that was in the right direction. His provision required faith, obedience, and action....not years of waiting for God to drop a wife in his lap. I'm encouraged that my provision is going to be found on a path, not in waiting. There will be steps on my path that I won't be in possession of provision, but His grace will keep me. I will work together with Jesus and my family to see His will unfold for us.
So God, send me north, south, east, or west....I'm working towards going in your direction instead of demanding your infinate knowledge of how my life will pan out. You are sovereign and I trust you.
So now that I am about five months pregnant, I am feeling waves of emotions everyday. I'm not wishing to change them or delete them. I'm just fine sitting down with stamps, markers, and freshly bought cards for whatever my loved ones are experiencing. I'm fine turning on worship or sitting in silence crying over whatever has me stirred up today.
In my quiet time this morning, God gave me such a fresh revelation. Dustin and I are going through spiritual inventory these days. In the midst of man's correction, religeons' politics, and the want for worldly riches, we have come to solitude with our first love. Our life has gone from exciting dream conversations to moments on the couch of just holding each other in silence as we get through difficult moments and abrasions the world leaves us with.
Needless to say, we have literally let go of EVERYTHING we had - dreams, opportunities, friends, money, etc. We are finding that in our laying down of these things, that Jesus is bringing back the things that were established on fertile soil within the context of love, not performance and works.
As I was meditating, praying, and reading a story of God's provision, God spoke to me. As we search for direction, God showed me that His direction is more often than not just that....a direction. I know I'm so guilty of looking for a specific step or specific promise that will coax me onto the right path. I've prayed so often for direction, not at all realizing that I was unhappy unless he gave me specific promises and details of the journey. I was corrected as I read the story of Jacob. His father and heavenly Father had instructed him to marry a woman from his mother's bloodline. This was his mandate. So what did he do next? He got direction. The direction wasn't "go here, do this, and you have it." His direction was "Go East."
Jacob obeyed in persuit of a wife and set off east. He had no idea where the provision of God would lead him, but he knew his provision lied on the path that was in the right direction. His provision required faith, obedience, and action....not years of waiting for God to drop a wife in his lap. I'm encouraged that my provision is going to be found on a path, not in waiting. There will be steps on my path that I won't be in possession of provision, but His grace will keep me. I will work together with Jesus and my family to see His will unfold for us.
So God, send me north, south, east, or west....I'm working towards going in your direction instead of demanding your infinate knowledge of how my life will pan out. You are sovereign and I trust you.
Psalms 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Where to Start?...
I have no specific place to start....I am reminded of this every time someone asks me about my passions, where pregnancy has brought me spiritually, etc.
Dustin and I have been brought out of and are still being brought out of our works/performance mentality. My husband changes before my eyes. I literally see the kiss of God upon his face. His physical appearance has even been changing...crazy?...NO. It brings waves of refreshing to my spirit. I am so blessed to be beside him on his journey of becoming who he is destined to be. And, at this stage in my life, I am realizing and admitting that he is blessed as well to be on the journey of my life. I've been getting real with myself and with most of the people around me.
I heard such an inspirational teaching from our One Voice pastor. He pointed out that it's out of a legalistic point of view that we long to be desperate for our God. When fathers are loving to their children, they aren't doing their job when the child gets desperate for their attention. He is there the moment I reach out to Him....really, He is there ALL of the time.
I was singing a song today that I know the Holy Spirit dropped into my heart. Some of the words are, "I am running, running after You..." I thought to myself, "why don't I just stand still and receive Him unto me? I understand that we all run a race, etc. I then realized that in my legalistic tendancies, I love to find myself searching and aiming and striving. I've found what I am searching for.....I'm not running to anything. I am walking beside the One!...The One that every soul searches for, wherever they are in life. I have Him right here.
I am finding so many things coming together in my life....prophesies, spoken words, things that I have felt in the spiritual, etc. Part of my life coming together is that it's becoming a norm in my life to be uncertain of tomorrow. The more I accept it, the more my life comes together. I don't want my life to make perfect sense in my eyes....I know my Creator has far more than I could ever ask or think. This is peace to me...knowing now that things truely are out of my hands and control. (Jelaine, I think this answers the question you asked earlier alot better than my original answer! ha)
Dustin and I have been brought out of and are still being brought out of our works/performance mentality. My husband changes before my eyes. I literally see the kiss of God upon his face. His physical appearance has even been changing...crazy?...NO. It brings waves of refreshing to my spirit. I am so blessed to be beside him on his journey of becoming who he is destined to be. And, at this stage in my life, I am realizing and admitting that he is blessed as well to be on the journey of my life. I've been getting real with myself and with most of the people around me.
I heard such an inspirational teaching from our One Voice pastor. He pointed out that it's out of a legalistic point of view that we long to be desperate for our God. When fathers are loving to their children, they aren't doing their job when the child gets desperate for their attention. He is there the moment I reach out to Him....really, He is there ALL of the time.
I was singing a song today that I know the Holy Spirit dropped into my heart. Some of the words are, "I am running, running after You..." I thought to myself, "why don't I just stand still and receive Him unto me? I understand that we all run a race, etc. I then realized that in my legalistic tendancies, I love to find myself searching and aiming and striving. I've found what I am searching for.....I'm not running to anything. I am walking beside the One!...The One that every soul searches for, wherever they are in life. I have Him right here.
I am finding so many things coming together in my life....prophesies, spoken words, things that I have felt in the spiritual, etc. Part of my life coming together is that it's becoming a norm in my life to be uncertain of tomorrow. The more I accept it, the more my life comes together. I don't want my life to make perfect sense in my eyes....I know my Creator has far more than I could ever ask or think. This is peace to me...knowing now that things truely are out of my hands and control. (Jelaine, I think this answers the question you asked earlier alot better than my original answer! ha)
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